Yr. 2, Day 117, 118 - Lessons Learned in 2010

2010 was an epic year in my life. I will never forget this year. It was the year that I learned it is possible to change one's life.

I learned many valuable things about myself and my journey to health.

1. My weight loss is not only about calories in and calories out.

2. Weight loss can be maintained without weekly scale monitoring. The fit of clothes works too!

3. Exercise can be enjoyable!

4. Living in a normal sized world require a daily renewing of one's mind.

5. Weight battle is mostly a mental game.

6. Healthy food in moderate portions tastes and feels much better than junk!

7. Food does not feed a hungry soul. Only God can meet those needs.

8. Consistency is key!

9. One healthy choice leads to another.

I ended the year with participating in the Resolution Run. The run was not timed, which was bit disappointing, but it was fun to run with such a large pack, all decked out in loud,orange jackets. My time was not great and it rained, but I can run 5K and I was far from last!

I enjoyed lunch with my cousin and her family today. I don't see her often, as she lives South of the border, but I think of her as almost a sister. Her children are so adorable! Her youngest son is now my favourite. My Mom, cousin and myself were sitting in a row, and I was amazed how much we looked a like. So, I asked her son, "Can you tell we're related?" His answer - "No, you're skinny!" I told him that he had no idea what he had just said.

In other news, my good friend asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding today. Her journey to engagement is quite the fairytale and I am elated and shocked to be part of her day. Her wedding will likely be in early March, so I am fast forwarding my goal date to early March. I plan to weigh in February 1st and then weekly until the wedding. 140's here I come!

Happy New Year my dear friends.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 114-116 - Still Got It

I have been enjoying entertaining a house full of company for the past few days, but that has kept me from running regularly. I struggle between needing to be obsessive regarding my exercise and being reasonable - that is choosing to spend time with family (my sister and her new baby) who live abroad, over exercising. It's just for a short time, but it is scary to think that I will lose the endurance I have built up over the last few months.

Tonight, I excused myself for a 40 minute run, my first crack at running with all of my new gear. Let me tell you, I looked serious - safety vest and all! I struggled through the first km, thinking it was all over for me, but I pushed through, and I've still got it. I can't go another week without running and I don't want to. My race is in two days, so I will run a short distance at a faster pace tomorrow in preparation for the big day.

Even better than the run, was the discussion with my running partner, who has become my accountability partner in various areas of life. We weighed the same at our recent lowest weights, although she is significantly taller than I am. We both have eaten too much over the holidays and I can feel it in my the fit of my jeans. I am eating well again, but I fear the number on the scale. She fears that seeing the gain will set her off the course of eating well, so we agreed together, that our next weigh in is Feb.1st. I had previously set Jan.1 as my next weigh in day, but it might just throw me off course too!

I am reminded of the many successful maintainers that have shared with me their experience of relying less and less on the scale and more and more on the fit of clothes. My skinny jeans are feeling tight! I'm giving myself a month for them to feel loose and the weigh in day will be Feb. 1st.

Without a doubt, 2011 will be the year that I reach my goal weight - 149. My goal is to reach this weight by my birthday - April 5th. That gives me 3 months to lose about 15 pounds, as I know I have gained over the holiday.

I feel very motivated by setting a goal date, although not reaching my goal within my original time frame was a source of disappointment for me. I know what I have to do in order to keep losing. I have to eat even less and keep moving more. I can do it, I want to do it, I need to do it.

My other goal is to give God more time, in prayer and meditation of His word, than I spend in exercise. Time is the most selfish part of my life, and I know I need to give more of it over to the spiritual aspect of my journey. If I can devote 45 minutes , four days a week to exercise, I can give more than that to the worship of God. I know that this will affect my overall weight loss goals as it sets my heart and mind on the right things, and takes them off the food!

It's my time! 2011- the year I reach my goal weight and keep it off!

Eating even less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 111 - 113 A Runner's Christmas

It's been a wonderful, quiet Christmas celebration this year. Our extended family gatherings have been quite spread out, allowing for a relaxing celebration for our immediate family during the actual holidays. My sister, her husband and new baby arrive from Scotland tomorrow night, and we are very excited to see them.

What a thoughtful husband I have! He was kind enough to give the gift of running to me this year. To be thought of as a person deserving of such gifts blows my mind. I received a very fancy, purple winter running coat with detachable, magnetic sleeves, a safety vest, a face mask/hat, a very fancy water bottle and a lighter weight running jacket.

Now, I need to get out there and run. My eating has not been stellar over the holidays and I have enjoyed my share of the goodies. But, it was a celebration and there's no need to continue celebrating with rich foods. My daughter's 16th birthday and our 20th wedding anniversary is in two days, but we will not be celebrating with food!

I am also looking ahead to my upcoming Resolution Run. It's only a 5K and not a huge deal, but it will be my first run. I have shied away from such events, choosing to make my running more personal. I am told I will LOVE the atmosphere of an organized run, so I'm excited to give it a try. I probably would not have entered the race on my own, but my running partner gave the me the run as a gift!

Two people thought of me as a runner this Christmas! That's such a great gift!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 109, 110 - Oh the Irony...

I was forced to make the time for a Dr's visit today due to some major discomfort. I have been struggling with an issue for almost 6 months now, but I am hoping a diagnosis is soon on its way. I have been prescribed some medication to ease my discomfort and I have a biopsy scheduled for after the holidays. My issue concerns the female parts, so I won't go into detail, but to say the possible condition is relatively rare, it won't kill me, and is thought to be caused by a hormonal imbalance.

Since being diagnosed with PCOS in 2006, I've come to realize that many of my eating issues have been related to hormones. I am not looking for an excuse for my poor choices, but I'm beginning to realize that there may be some physical reasons why I had such intense cravings and the fact that it may not have been 100% weakness on my part.

Losing weight is the best cure for PCOS symptoms and I have enjoyed the repercussions of that fact. Since many of my distressing symptoms disappeared, I know my hormones have changed. Fat and estrogen are linked. With that hormone changes came new symptoms - with far greater discomfort. Oh the irony - losing weight to become healthy only to face new health issues.

I enjoyed a good eating day and I am looking forward to enjoying the next two days of Christmas treats in moderation. Can you believe my family does not want turkey for Christmas dinner? We had turkey at my in laws on Sunday, turkey for both Canadian and American Thanksgiving, and the family is demanding ham for our meal. I am so disappointed because I have always served some kind of fowl for Christmas. I wanted to prepare Cornish Hens, Wild Rice Stuffing with a Cranberry compote. That was voted out of the running. Ham and Scalloped Potatoes it is, but with a shrimp salad to start and a cranberry compote with the ham.

We can do it my fellow bloggers! We can enjoy Christmas without stuffing ourselves to discomfort! I hope you have a blessed Christmas Eve!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 108 - And She's Back

After a few days of struggling, I am feeling strong and like I'm back in the fight. Wrapping my head around the various thoughts that have crossed my mind during my struggle with overeating has reminded me how quickly I could slip back into old self behaviours. I was beginning to rationalize not exercising, choosing white rice/pasta over brown etc. It may have only been a couple of days, but a few bad decisions, and BAM, I'm back into my old eating habits.

What people who have never struggle with obesity don't understand is, I'm not talking about a little bite of a cookie here and there. Once I start back into old eating patterns, it's two sandwiches in the afternoon because I've blown it anyways. Those two sandwiches, on a regular basis, lead to obesity very quickly.

I was able to wake up this morning and renew my mind, to pray that I would behave in my new self ways. I had a very good eating day, free from struggle. Breakfast was a serving of organic oatmeal, with wild blueberries, ground flax seed and almond milk. Lunch was 2 Spelt cakes with natural peanut butter and 1/3 cup of Greek yogurt with raspberries and organic granola. Supper was a beef tenderloin stir fry, chock full of vegetables like red and orange peppers, broccoli, onions and mushrooms, served over black, wild rice.

The best part of my day was my evening, winter run with my dear running partner. I haven't run in over a week, and I was scared that I had lost my ability to run. I have been so ill, coupled with the busyness of preparing for Christmas that exercise hasn't been a priority. I LOVED WINTER RUNNING! It was a fairly mild evening, and it felt good to bring my body temperature up in the cooler air. My evening run strengthened my resolve to finish this up - lose the last few pounds and start enjoying maintenance. It's dragged on too long!

I'm very pumped about preparing for my Dec. 31 Resolution Race!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 106, 107 - Great Timing

As I shared in my last post, I have been struggling a little bit with overeating, acting out in "old self" behaviour, and I'm not proud of it. My daughter's Sweet 16 party, which was a success on all fronts, prompted some chip eating on my part, followed by high sodium Chinese Food, making me feel stuffed.

Yesterday, we celebrated Christmas with my husband's side of the family, and again, it was simply too much food. I chose to put too much food on my plate and it was a lot of sitting around and visiting. I felt ill after eating and had to lie down. It wasn't from stuffing myself, per se, but from eating foods I haven't in quite some time, such as white dinner rolls, dressing made from white bread, etc. I experienced horrible indigestion.

While discussing winter running at the dinner table, I was given the warning regarding injuries and winter running. I quickly grasped the dangers and decided in my heart that running was over until Spring. My daughter's disappointed face told me what I was receiving for Christmas this year! The risk of injury seemed like an easy way out for running in the cold weather. I have struggled with the decision of whether it's something I truly want to pursue or not.

I ate very far less today than I have the past few days, and my body feels better for it. I was relieved to fit into my "skinny" jeans this morning, because in my head, I had gained all of my weight back.

Then, I got the phone call, perfectly timed with my emotions and resolve. All day I have thought about my journey and my lack of motivation to exercise. The phone call was from my running partner, who informed me that she had a Christmas gift for me. Her gift to me was an entry into the BRITA RESOLUTION RUN on Dec. 31st with her. It will be my very first race - it's a 5K. With my entry comes a winter running jacket, which you can check out here.

The timing of this gift proves to me once again, that God is control of my journey. This timing was not coincidence, but the loving guidance of a God and Saviour who knows me intimately. This run and the new jacket has put the resolve back into my soul!

I also really appreciated the comments I received on my last post. Sharon, your comment spoke to me in particular. I don't have to blow the next two weeks because of a few bad days. I have decided to be done with the Christmas eating and go hard core for the rest of the celebrations. My running partner also reminded me that even if I gained 10 pounds over the holidays, I am still so much closer to my goal than last year. I am not going to gain 10 pounds!

I plan to weigh in on January 1st, 2011 and at the beginning of every month until I reach my goal. Alison, thank you for the reminder that I am not alone and that I can do it. Sometimes, I just need to be reminded that I can do this.

It's my time...

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 104,105 Too Much!

I have been eating too much. Between a few celebrations, I have eaten more than I intended, more often than I imagined. It's so much easier to face these celebrations with an extremist attitude in regards to eating, than a moderate one. My moderate turned into overeating.

I feel guilty, I feel stuffed, I feel fat, but I also feel hopeful because I know what to do in the morning. I have not blown it. I have eaten too much and I don't have to overeat tomorrow, despite the Christmas celebration on my husband's side of the family.

With being sick for a week and the cold temperatures, my exercise has not been "too much"! I cannot let myself get out of the habit of regular exercise, but it's difficult during these busy days leading up to the holidays.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 103 - Now That's a First!

This Friday is my daughter's Sweet 16 birthday party. It is being held in a hotel suite, overlooking Niagara Falls, with parental supervision, of course! The hotel has a beautiful pool, water slide, hot tub area, which I am looking forward to enjoying. The bathing suit I was excited to wear this summer, a 14, is way too big and I had to go bathing suit shopping tonight. Bathing suit shopping is never fun, even for the thinnest of woman, I think. I have learned that woman are seldom satisfied with their bodies.

Well, I fell in love with the first bathing suit I tried on. Instead of looking in the mirror and loathing myself, finding fault in various areas of my imperfect body, I was completely shocked that the image I was looking at in the mirror was me! I have a lovely, new size 8 bathing suit, and a lack of boobs and behind to fit into it! I have never been this small chested in my life! Even in my younger years, I was the big chested one. Here's an old photo for proof. Let's just say, I'm the one with the big boobs in the white pants, and yes, I am the same age as the rest of my peers.

Having a good, satisfying bathing suit shopping experience was worth every bag of chips I have refused in the last year and 103 days! The physical training I have done over the last year is paying off with less flab and more muscle, and looking satisfactory in a bathing suit. Really, that's a first!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 101, 102 - Noteworthy Evening

The Christmas season is a busy one for musicians, but tonight all of my time and efforts were rewarded. The high school choir that I conduct participated in a community concert, and despite loud behaviour waiting to perform, they pulled together like musicians! They sang from their hearts, believing the message of their song and sang with skill. It was so rewarding!

Hard work is rewarding, isn't it? I have worked hard to be able to run a 12K distance. I began walking, and then jogging between two hydro poles. When that seemed achievable, I added another set and each day I was able to see progress. The reward is in my behind, which was once huge and flat, and is now tiny and shaped! The reward is in visible muscle throughout my body, only achievable by working the body.

Every day of changing my eating patterns, choosing to renew my obese mindset, has been hard work, but again so rewarding. Who can understand the rewards of the many non scale victories "losers" speak of? I believe my favourite NSV was being able to wrap the entire bath towel around my body. I always felt such shame in the towel not quite making it all the way around my body.

Celebrating the rewards of hard work makes me want to burst into song, but I can't do that because I haven't been able to talk, let alone sing, since Thursday! I am hoping to wake up feeling better!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 100 - Clothes as a Measure

I have always been fascinated watching people who do not struggle with their weight. I have interviewed countless of people regarding how they keep their slim figures and I have learned a lot from doing so. Even as a young teen in Jr. High School, my French teacher, a svelte, sophisticated woman, wrote me her eating plan on a piece of newsprint. She did so in response to hearing me speak of my latest diet, which I believe was the Scarsdale Diet. I was amazed how sensible her daily eating were. How did she stay so slim not eating only salads?

Equally fascinating has been talking with successful losers - people who have not only lost large amounts of weight, but kept it off for years. Each person's journey is unique, but I believe I can learn from those who have gone before me. Why try and figure everything out on my own? One thing most I have spoken with have shared, is that they stopped using only the scale as a measure of their success. Many have parted ways with their scales permanently. Most use their clothes as a guide to how they are doing in terms of maintaining their weight loss.

Tami, at Nutmeg Notebook, has spoken of this method many times and it has fascinated me. It makes sense to me. I can tell when I have overeaten at a meal, because my pants feel too tight. When I have to suck my gut in to get my buttons done up in the morning, I know I am gaining weight and it's time to do something about it.

I have been noticing my skinny, black dress pants are getting looser! I put them on today, and couldn't believe how easily they buttoned. They are not the snug fit they once were and they are a size 8 petite fit. The scale has not budged any lower than 158, but my pants are looser than they were a month ago at 158. I've experienced this before - my body getting smaller without the scale giving it credit. Eventually, it catches up!

Patience. It's worth waiting for. By the way Brenda, that 90 pounds down photo shoot is happening this week!!!! I'm on it! I don't want to miss it and be down 100 without the 90 pound milestone photo. What a great problem to have!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 98, 99 - A Gift

I have written about my astonishment in discovering my enjoyment of running, but today I felt a surge of great happiness and satisfaction in conquering a 12 K run. The weather was a bit milder than it has been the past week, a friend was more than willing to go for a long run, so off we headed to the canal path.

As I ran, I felt overwhelmed at two of the gifts I have been given. First, I can't tell you how many times I prayed that God would show me answers to getting off the cycle that led me to obesity. The pain and shame I felt in living as an obese woman can not be exaggerated enough. There was not a morning that went by that I did not claim that day as the day I would change my life. Days dragged into months, into years, in what seemed the endless struggle of obesity.

I have shared two important people who spoke into my journey, being God's answers to me, without knowing it. Ironically, both woman are incredibly thin and fit! At the time, I didn't realize the truths they were speaking, but their words have always stayed with me and I recognize them as answers to prayer in my journey.

First, Miriam, gorgeous Miriam, spoke confidence into my life to the fact that I would one day lose my extra weight. There was no question in her mind, attitude or tone, that my weight issues would be overcome. I held onto her words for years, and now realize it was God's way of telling me that my time would be come.

Years later, Pauline, classy posh Pauline, gave me the answer I needed to hear, but wasn't ready to put into action. She told me the only way to become slim was to "fall in love with exercise". Again, although I wasn't ready to act on her words of wisdom, those words stayed with me and were kept forefront in my mind.

Today, as I ran, I felt overcome with emotion realizing that God had answered my prayers through these woman. What a gift!

I also felt overcome that I truly love how I feel when I run. Sometimes, when it seems impossible to fit a run into my schedule, especially with the time change, I think I could leave it behind. But, when I get out on that canal trail, such a peace comes over me as I tackle the distance before me. As I run, I feel small, tight, fit and full of power and strength.

What a gift! What a gift to live right next to this wonderful trail along the Welland canal. I am blessed. I feel blessed by God. I can never go back! I feel so radically different than the woman I was only a year ago, and yet eerily the same. Same, same, but different! (That's for you, Pauline and any others who have lived or travelled through Vietnam!)

As I contemplated a snack this evening, while my family munched on chips (gasp!), I realized how natural it was for me to prepare my fruit, Greek yogurt and flax seed treat. It felt like a natural and normal choice and not like I was on a diet, or being deprived.

God thank you for the gift of these ladies, of running, the canal path and a true lifestyle change I only dreamed of. You are good.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 96, 97 - The Difference 9 Pounds Could Make!

Yesterday, I received a phone call from MORE magazine, requesting an update on my weight as of yesterday as the article on my weight loss blog was going to print. I was supposed to report, 149, for a total loss of 100 pounds, making me a successful blogger. Unfortunately, I would have to lie to report 149. I had to report a weight 9 pounds higher than 149, a weight that I could only have dreamed of over the last ten years of my life.

How silly that 9 pounds has me questioning my success, my commitment to this journey and my ability to get there because not only did I not lose 100 pounds in a year, I did not lose 100 pounds in time for the magazine article.

The magazine staff are not responsible for my reaction in having to report that I did not make my goal, but the phone call seriously affected me. Added to the phone call, I have not been feeling well and had to leave work this morning. I suspect I have strep throat, or should I say my daughter claims I do. A Dr. recently showed her the clinical diagnosis and she was able to look at a patients throat. Apparently, mine is textbook! She'll be more helpful when she can write me the prescription I need!

Probably the best way I could work this through, is a good run, praying out to my Father in heaven. The last thing my body wants to do is run. And, it's turned COLD! I am much less excited about running in the colder weather. I may turn to my indoor jogging DVD's with weights that prepared me for outdoor running in the first place until Spring.

Of course, anyone with an ounce of maturity can see that 91 pounds is a huge loss and that I am being ridiculous. Yet, as silly as it seems, it was my first reaction and it is the honest, gut reaction of how I truly feel about not reaching my goal yet. I can justify not reaching goal in all kinds of ways - it's healthy to be maintaining as I never have before, I am fit - even my Nautropath says I have 10 pounds of muscle on me from running, but deep down, all that matters is I haven't made it yet.

Nine pounds. How can nine pounds seem so daunting, so impossible, after losing 91? How can 9 pounds cause such disappointment when over a year ago, simply weighing 199 would have made me happy?

It's the mind set of obesity. It's the perfectionism that lies deep inside most obese people I have met in the blog world. It's a mind that needs to be constantly renewed with truth, love and forgiveness and the released from shame.

Will 9 pounds really change my life that drastically?

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 94, 95 Lost and Found

No, not pounds, they are lost and staying lost! I found my lost, long, sleek, leather gloves.

Last Christmas I received the most gorgeous pair of black, leather gloves from my children. I had chosen them while shopping with my daughter and hinted that they would be perfect. I have had the same pair of black, leather gloves for almost 11 years, and although they have served me well, I was ready for a new look.

I did not have my new gloves for very long, when I lost them. I searched high and low for those gloves, wondering who had picked them up and was enjoying them. This year, when the cold weather arrived, I remembered those beautiful gloves, longing to be reunited. But, alas, I had to don the 11 year old gloves instead.

Yesterday, was a quite a day. I have four concerts this week, with rehearsals to attend, so I can't help but have bad days. Everything feels stressful, although I try to take it one day at a time. I arrived somewhat late for my recital, hung my coat up and I broke the hanger. The broken bits of the hanger fell into a big box under the coat rack at our church. As I put my hand into the box to pick up the broken pieces, I found them! My gorgeous, black gloves. They fit like a glove! They were a bit tight last year, when I received them.

I felt like Christmas came early when I found my cherished gloves and I will take better care of them, now that I have found them. I will not lose them again, just like I have no intention of having to lose this weight again. Yes, I found my gloves, but I do not intend to find the lost pounds again. I seem to be maintaining at a 90 pound weight loss, the last 10 not wanting to budge, but I will not let those last 10 pounds defeat me. A cycle of overeating, severe dieting, quick weight loss and overeating to regain those pounds back and more has been broken! I am maintaining and it is a great place to be!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 93 - Check

Baking for tomorrow night's recital. Check.

No baked goods eaten whilst baking and decorating. Check.

Christmas tree up and decorated. Check.

Outdoor lights hung. Check.

Christmas shopping lists. Check.

Good day of eating healthy, wholesome, nutritious foods in moderation. Check.

Run...I wish I could check. Tomorrow, after the recital?

Time for bed...

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 92 - So, so mad!

My beginner piano students are all presently learning a folk song called, "Once a Man was So, So Mad". The music has a cute picture of a mad, old man, ranting and raving. Tonight, my face should be on that picture.

My time is incredibly limited these days, as Christmas is especially busy for musicians. I had a full day, with everything timed to the second in order to accomplish what I had to. There were confirmed plans for me to drive to a client's home to prepare my students to sing a duet for pre-show entertainment at an upcoming musical. The parent even suggested the time, confirming it less than two hours before. I drove to their home, 30 minutes round trip, to find one of my students not home. I called up to the other student and was finally answered, after about 15 minutes of calling up the stairs, and the father did not even come downstairs to explain the situation. He called out the details from upstairs, and I could barely hear what was happening. The mother phoned, albeit in a panic, with a story and promise to pay for my time. It's NOT about the money!?! My time is far more precious than any amount of money. As I left, a massage therapist arrived and I informed her that her client was not home! SO, so maddening!

Next, I came home to a somewhat nasty reply to an e-mail request from a colleague. I requested a favour to help assist with a potentially disastrous problem with Tuesday's concert. My colleague agreed to help, but not without telling me all that he cancelled to do so and with the understanding I would never ask again. Why not just say, "No!"?

Had I not run today, in the wind and cold, I don't know if I would have had the emotional strength to deal with my anger without food. I ran on my own, on the canal path, clearing my head, writing blog posts and praying about issues I am facing. My time with alone with God is the only thing that prevented me from eating the container of baked Christmas goods my MIL kindly gave us this week.

I hate feeling angry! I think I feel guilty and unjustified when I feel angry, like it is not acceptable for me to feel this way. So, it was always easier to mask the feelings by eating something warm and comforting rather than deal with the real issue at hand.

I wish it wasn't too late to go out for another run! Thanks for reading my rant!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 90, 91 Lessons from the Journey

It used to be that everything I read and experienced, I applied to my weight loss journey. As I am further into the journey, 10 pounds away from goal, I am applying what I've learned through losing weight to issues in my life.

Next week, I have four concerts I am involved in, Monday through Thursday. I have felt immense pressure in preparing for two of these concerts in particular, basically because as the conductor/teacher, I am not in total control of how my students will perform. I can teach, prepare, mentor, but in the end, I can't control the performance. I have never enjoyed the "unknown" factor of dealing with my student's performances.

Instead of getting worked up and upset with everyone around me, I am learning to take it one event at a time. Worrying about concert number four is not going to give the me the focus, strength and endurance I need to create a successful concert number one! Focusing on needing to lose 100 pounds often seemed daunting and unattainable, I may not have been able to lose that first 20 pounds if I allowed myself to only look at the mountain I was facing.

I chose to lose 20 pounds at a time, celebrating by posting photos of that feat. Little by little, 20 became 40, become 60, 80 and will soon be 100. Likewise, I can only deal with one event as it happens. The concerts will be performed, parents will love hearing their children and the Christmas preparations will be accomplished. Christmas Eve is only three weeks away tonight, and I haven't started any serious shopping or baking yet!

Right, 20 pounds at a time...one event at a time. I am learning.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 89 - December

For years, my dream was to have a Christmas wedding. Almost 20 years ago, my dream was fulfilled. It was a lovely day, but what was I thinking? December is crazy enough as it is! Four years after my dream Christmas wedding, my first born arrived 3.5 weeks early, to help us celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary. I think our third anniversary was the last we properly celebrated, and this year will be no exception, as the Sweet 16 overrides our 20th anniversary. Celebrating two family Christmas gatherings, our own immediate family Christmas, our anniversary and our daughter's birthday makes for a stressful December.

Being a musician, December holds extra commitments in terms of rehearsals and concert dates, although I am not as booked as I was in previous years.

I have been dreading turning my calendar to December. The stress of feeling out of control in terms of commitments is exactly the stress that has led me to overeating in the past. This December is not my first December without using food to cope with that stress. Yes, there are overwhelming feelings of never being able to accomplish what must be done, but there is confidence in the fact that last December I coped without the help of food to calm me down. I am learning to turn my anxiety to a God who loves me.

Food does not help the concert performance nor does it help me arrive on time to my various commitments. It simply does not have the ability to do anything but to satisfy true, physical hunger. Oh, the power I have given food in the past. How exciting that I have the experience of last December to build upon!

Although the thought of decorating the house, baking treats, shopping and wrapping does not excite me this year, I am hoping to catch that excitement of anticipation in celebrating Christ's birth.

December has also brought about winter to Southern Ontario. Today was the first "winter" day and I did not get out to run. I generally run Fri - Mon, have one day of my DVD and two rest days, but I have been slacking a bit in this area. This December will be my first winter of running. I have been consistently running for eight months now, so I know I can't throw in the towel because of cold weather...but it's tempting!

I had a great eating day, preparing for the busy day with my planned meals and snacks. Breakfast was Greek yogurt, 1/2 banana and 1/4 blueberries, sprinkled with a few tbsp. of organic granola, snack was a handful of almonds, lunch a spinach, chicken salad and a banana, afternoon snack a kamut puffed cake with natural peanut butter, supper was turkey breast, green beans and sweet potato mash.

One more month until MORE magazine features my weight loss, blogging journey! I would love to make it 100 pounds lost before then.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne