It's My Time...

Yr. 3, Day 115 - Some Goals

2011-12-24T09:08:00.002-05:00

I feel completely back to it - that is, consistently eating in control! Thank you Lord. I love that my switch flipped right BEFORE Christmas. Yesterday, I spent the day day baking and not once was I tempted to even dip my finger in the icing. Again, evidence of my all or nothing personality! I can be completely disciplined when I am in the right frame of mind, and then BAM!

We are simply coming home after our Christmas Eve service because we hope to Skype with my 16 year old daughter who is currently volunteering at a medical clinic in FIJI! Therefore, I will be avoiding all temptations of overindulging on Christmas Eve treats. I am far more tempted by savoury foods, than sweet. Christmas Day will be my freedom day - not a day to overindulge, but a day where I can eat what is being served, without guilt. It feels like coming home - eating within the confines of my original plan.

Although my goal weight, as set by my family physician, is 155, I plan to break up the numbers into smaller goals. I also plan to reward myself with each decade! I did not reward myself enough on the way down last time. My current goal is to reach the 180's, hopefully by the end of January. I don't want to be as scale driven as I was, so I plan to report decades until those last 20 pounds that are so difficult to get off. My treat for reaching the 180's will be a spa day at a beautiful, local Vintage Inn.

Now, off to prepare for Christmas Day! Life is exciting.

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Yr.3, Day 113 - It's Not Starting Over...

2011-12-22T20:09:00.002-05:00

I know some people look at getting back into healthy eating after abandoning it for a time as "starting over". I can appreciate that mind set, but I am looking at my re commitment to eating in moderation as a continuation of my journey. From day one, I did not want this lifestyle change to be something that I could fall off and on from. Although my recent digression from healthy eating could be viewed as such, I choose to see it as a bump in the road that is going to take me to reaching and maintaining my goal weight of 155.

Even thin people have periods of life where they eat more, gain a little weight and then have to work to lose that weight. The difference is, they generally gain 5-10 pounds, and not 35! But, I am thrilled that I have not gained all of my weight back! Had I continued on the road I was on, it would have happened. Instead, I am entering a holiday celebrated with food, with a determination to eat in control and in moderation. Nothing tastes as good as eating in control. Nothing!

It's amazing how eating in control for two days makes me feel better - skinnier and beautiful! Who doesn't want to feel that way? I feel like my body is detoxing from junk and over indulgence!

One thing I have learned with my recent weight gain, is that exercise alone does not maintain a thin body. I am convinced, that for me, food control is the main contributor to losing weight and keeping it off. Obviously, exercise is healthy and shapes the body, but I have chosen to simply walk briskly until I reach my goal weight. Once I hit goal, 155 lbs, I plan to slowly revisit running.

If this is truly a lifestyle change and one that I can maintain, I must accept the ups and downs of the journey and not give up when struggle occurs. I will never be perfect, but when eating comes easily, I need to run with it, and I am running with it!

I feel the most freedom I have felt in a very long time. I am incredibly hopeful that I am in the last leg of the journey to goal.

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Yr. 3, Day 112 - So, Who's Responsible?

2011-12-21T16:09:00.002-05:00

Someone has been praying for me. I am certain of it. You see, a switch has turned on. A switch that no one can explain because it's a switch deep within. It is the switch that has me on and off my game when it comes to eating healthily and moderately. Three years ago, I began a journey from 249 pounds, which I expected to last a year. My goal was to lose 100 pounds in a year. Despite my best efforts, I did not make that goal, but rather lost 84 pounds in the year, eventually losing 91 pounds.

I became engrossed in the various diet trends being discussed on health forums and various blogs. I began to question my "method", which I believe was God's very own personal word to me, and I began to follow rules. Rules that I began my new lifestyle free from. These rules drove me mad and stressed me out. I was unable to live a lifestyle so deeply rule based and maintain it consistently.

Blogging became a chore and as I struggled and saw the scale number move in the wrong direction. My love of running became a hate, as I saw others around me seemingly master speeds I simply could not. I saw it as competition rather than health. Next, my blog gave me serious spam problems,which affected my Gmail account, also affecting my business clientele. That was the last straw and I packed it in - both in blogging, eating and exercise.

Today, December 21, 2011, the switch has turned on. I cannot explain it but I feel a deep, inner peace that I can obey God, eating only when hungry and until full. I believe I can eat in the way that I began eating three years ago, including my free day. I've read so many opinions on the dangers of the free day, but it worked for me.

How ironic that I have got my mojo back just days before Christmas! This year, I am going to enjoy quality, not quantity. I spent the last two Christmas seasons without over indulging, so I commit to making it a third season.

Whomever has been praying for me, thank you. Today, I chose to obey and go back to that original plan from September 2009. I feel so peaceful and like I am in the exact place where I need to be.

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Year 3, Day 30 - Virus

2011-09-30T21:14:00.002-04:00

Well, it seems by opening my blog I managed to get a virus on my computer. People have been complaining they have been receiving messages via gmail, asking for money to fund a children's home. I am mortified, as some are my student's parents and it looks so unprofessional.

I already changed my passwords etc, but the virus seemed to infect my gmail account after doing such. The virus seems directly affected by posting on my blog the other day, even though the warning message was gone. HELP!

In the meantime, I had a glorious run on the canal path. The leaves are changing colour and the air was fresh and crisp. My eating has been very good today and I am planning to have a nasty weigh in, face the music and get losing so I can learn to maintain.

I am so grateful for my Greek yogurt smoothie. I use a 1/2 a frozen banana, 1/4 cup frozen blueberries, a splash of unsweetened oj and 1/2 cup yogurt. I like my smoothie thick, just like ice cream. It is so refreshing and such a treat, and so wonderfully good for my body!

I'd appreciate any advice on my computer issues.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 3, Day 27 - Back In the Game

2011-09-27T20:18:00.002-04:00

I cannot tell you how excited I was to visit my blog page, to find I could get on it! I have been unable to access my blog for weeks now, as a message appeared saying that my computer was in danger of a virus due to something posted on my site.

I made some changes, following some expert advice, but it seemed to no avail. Then, this evening, I gave it another try, and SUCCESS!

I have learned a great deal about myself having been evicted from the blogger world. I need a support system and I need to write. Blogging has provided both of those things for me since I began my quest to become healthy, Sept. 1, 2009.

Two years and twenty-seven days later, I find myself in a dangerous place. There are two roads I can take - one back to my goal weight and learning to maintain it, or one back into the 200's. I know where I need to go and I know how to get there. I do not however, know how to maintain weight loss. It eludes me every time!

I have therefore decided to join Weight Watchers once again, as a lifetime member, this time with the intention of learning to maintain weight loss. I have about 30 pounds to lose in order to reach my goal and then I need to learn patience and self control as I learn to maintain.

There are so many wonderful positive things I have maintained in my journey to a healthy weight, body and spirit. I still practice the discipline of fasting, and my friend has inquired about joining me in the practice. I am quite excited about that. I continue to exercise consistently. I am living proof that you cannot maintain weight loss through consistent, calorie burning exercise alone. It's all about the food people.

I have maintained well over half of the weight I lost and I am going to get back down to what is healthy for my body. I have been encouraged by a wonderful friend named Annabel, to enjoy where I am today. By constantly living for that magical goal weight, I am missing out on today. I have things to learn right now.

A friend recently posted a photo of me on Facebook, at my current weight, which exact number I am unsure of. I did not hate the photo. I did not feel, oh my face is so fat. This is an okay place to be. I doubt that I will ever be exactly where I want to be in life, so I choose to enjoy exactly where I am today. Overweight, striving to lose 30 pounds and then fighting to maintain 94 pounds lost.

I am excited to reenter blog world and hear about your journeys and try to encourage you along the way.

Still eating less and moving more,

Dawne

Yr 3: Day 8

2011-09-08T13:21:00.002-04:00

We are currently facing technical difficulties with this blogger account.

Dawne has not fallen off the face of the earth; she is working on getting her computer going again and in the meantime has asked me to let you all know that there will be new blog posts up soon.

Taara

Yr.2, Day 356 - Interesting Observation

2011-08-23T22:10:00.002-04:00

This morning one of my dear, dear friends treated me to breakfast. She is my running partner and has become one of my closest confidants. She LOVES breakfast, as do I, but I was not going to eat off track on day two of my recommitment to healthy living.

As she enjoyed a "normal"restaurant breakfast plate, I choose fresh fruit, yogurt with 2 poached eggs. She made the comment that even on her most strict diet days, she does not eat as rigidly as I do. I appreciated her observation and her comment. I do have to watch every bite and be extremely strict to get results and to keep weight off.

I've decided not to complain about that. Many people have far worse circumstances, such as finding walking difficult, breathing difficult or just plain living difficult. It's my circumstance and I must continue to deal with it.

It was a perfect eating day, following a 10K run last night with my husband. I feel like I've lost 20 pounds in 2 days. :) I remember this feeling well...it's that shot of adrenaline I so desperately needed. Thanks to those who have prayed me through this...you know who you are and you are God's gift to me.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr 2, Day 355 - Sometimes I Need to Just Listen

2011-08-22T21:25:00.003-04:00

In ten days, I will celebrate two years since I decided it was "my time"to change my lifestyle, with regards to eating and exercise. Little did I realize how much more complex the change needed to be.

I have shared that this part of the road to a healthy, consistent weight has been difficult. I remember the days when I had so much energy and motivation to fight this overwhelming urge/need to overeat, that I felt like I was flying. I remember the days when it felt like eating well and exercise had truly become a lifestyle - it felt natural and did not take too much effort. There were some disappointments, such as a plateau at 167 despite consistent exercise and valiant diet efforts.

I cannot pin point what changed the tide. I've tried to explain it and to understand it. I needed something to change...I was carrying on writing, feeling like I was letting everyone down, especially myself. I needed to listen. To think and listen. Now, it's time to obey.

What did I hear?

Hebrews 12

Discipline in a Long-Distance Race

^1-3Do you see what this means—all these pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on? It means we'd better get on with it. Strip down, start running—and never quit! No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins. Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in. Study how he did it. Because he never lost sight of where he was headed—that exhilarating finish in and with God—he could put up with anything along the way: Cross, shame, whatever. And now he's there, in the place of honor, right alongside God. When you find yourselves flagging in your faith, go over that story again, item by item, that long litany of hostility he plowed through. That will shoot adrenaline into your souls!

^4-11In this all-out match against sin, others have suffered far worse than you, to say nothing of what Jesus went through—all that bloodshed! So don't feel sorry for yourselves. Or have you forgotten how good parents treat children, and that God regards you as his children?

My dear child, don't shrug off God's discipline,
but don't be crushed by it either.
It's the child he loves that he disciplines;
the child he embraces, he also corrects.
God is educating you; that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment; it's training, the normal experience of children. Only irresponsible parents leave children to fend for themselves. Would you prefer an irresponsible God? We respect our own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live? While we were children, our parents did what seemed best to them. But God is doing what is best for us, training us to live God's holy best. At the time, discipline isn't much fun. It always feels like it's going against the grain. Later, of course, it pays off handsomely, for it's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.

^12-13So don't sit around on your hands! No more dragging your feet! Clear the path for long-distance runners so no one will trip and fall, so no one will step in a hole and sprain an ankle. Help each other out. And run for it!

^14-17Work at getting along with each other and with God. Otherwise you'll never get so much as a glimpse of God. Make sure no one gets left out of God's generosity. Keep a sharp eye out for weeds of bitter discontent. A thistle or two gone to seed can ruin a whole garden in no time. Watch out for the Esau syndrome: trading away God's lifelong gift in order to satisfy a short-term appetite. You well know how Esau later regretted that impulsive act and wanted God's blessing—but by then it was too late, tears or no tears

I'm not dropping out! I'm still in the race, albeit, larger. I have gained weight in Year 2 and will record my weight Sept. 1, 2011. I will also take my photo in my "before" outfit, if I can squeeze into the pants! I have worn them a bit this summer, but let me tell you, they are tight.

One wonderful thing during this difficult time with overeating is that I have not stopped exercising. I have never gone a week without working out since I began in September 2009.

So, I carry on. I face where I am at weight wise, size wise and I eat like God lead me to eat two years ago. Breakfast - eggs and spinach or a Greek Yogurt/fruit smoothie, Lunch - salad or soup with protein and Dinner - a moderate portion of whatever I am making for my family. I will return to a freedom day each week and a weekly, recorded weigh in.

I started experiencing problems when I veered from the path that I believed was for me. I became entangled with wanting to try different paths to health, believing I should do things differently than how I lost my first 80 pounds. I listened and obeyed on September 1, 2009 and today, I have been silent, listened and choose to eat the way I have been lead.

I am so grateful and excited to be back on track. I am feeling that shot of adrenelin described in the above Scripture passage. Thanks to many of you for your supportive and understanding comments. They have been appreciated more than you know. I am back.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 348 - Learning From My Babies

2011-07-25T19:13:00.003-04:00

The other night my son's baseball team was losing by a fair number of runs. His team felt defeated, tired and miserably hot. The annoying thing was, they had almost beat this team the last time they played. Then, out of nowhere, magic happened in the last inning.

All of the sudden, it was easy for the fielders to manage three outs. Those three quick outs produced an energy that took the batters into new territory. Almost every single batter made contact with the ball, and run after run came in. How did this team go from barely holding it together to playing like that within the same game? Unexplainable really.

It made me remember my "magic"days when the weight melted off. I'm not going to dwell in the past, but I'm ready for some more magic. I can't explain what gets into me when I'm on, but I'm on again. If any of us could identify what turns that switch, we'd be millionaires. Like my little guy's baseball team, I'm going to run with the magic.

My daughter has been rowing for three years with her high school team. Last year was their best season, placing second in most regattas, but not making the final in the important race. This past High School season was devastating, as the team did not do well at all. The reason it is devastating is that she has to commit her life to that sport. It is hard core commitment, with daily 5:00am practices. We have been told by so many coaches that she has a gift - the combination of talent, technique and hard work. However, being on a mediocre team never allowed her to win. We started to doubt her talent in this area.

I asked her why she bothers to work so hard, if her High School team cannot produce a winning crew. Her answer, "What kind of mothering advice is that? You should do your best and then some when it concerns your passion. One day my hard work will pay off." What a great attitude. What a great girl.

Indeed, her hard work paid off, as she joined the competitive summer rowing team and after erg racing and seat racing, made the top four of the A boat. Her school team mates did not make the A boat This weekend, her crew won gold at the Ontario Provincial Championships. Next is the Canadian Henley Regatta and winning a gold there is a huge deal. We'll see what happens.

Her work ethic was to work hard, even though she wasn't seeing the results of winning. I am related to that girl. I raised that girl. Surely, I can have the same attitude as that girl. How special to learn from my two children.

Eating has been on track and according to my Nike Sports Band, I burned 942 calories with today's walk/run.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 342 - It All Helps

2011-07-19T22:03:00.002-04:00

Yes, two days of consistent eating days in a row! I shall not focus on tomorrow because tonight has its own choices to be conquered!

I can't thank many of you enough for saying just the right thing, at just the right time. I have appreciated words of understanding, compassion, motivation and faith in my ability to make it!

Sharon, I LOVED what you said and the phrase, "That was then, this is now" has ran through my head all day. I have to STOP trying to capture what I had almost two years ago. Yes, it was working and working well, but I am a different person now! The place I was in at that time was right for then, but I need to capture where I need to be today. I am going to stop fretting about a number for tomorrow, stop regretting lacking the motivation I used to have, and focus on right now. That my friends is a Scriptural teaching, so why oh why does it take me so long to live what I believe!?!

Sunshine Mama - it helped me so much to know that you have had skinny clothes not fit again too. You are my weight loss hero and to know you've been through this makes it more bearable.

I have been in the place before and it has been so depressing and so overwhelming, that I gave up. I've used different rationales - "I'm done with dieting - I am just going to eat with freedom"- which lead me to 249 pounds! I AM done with dieting, if dieting is defined as an eating program you follow for a short amount of time to lose weight and then revert to old habits and regain. But, I am not done with eating less, eating only to almost full and I am not done with exercising this aging body!

Breakfast - 1 poached egg, 1 whole grain 100 cal English muffin

Lunch - 1/2 chicken breast, spinach and red onion, soy sauce, Greek Yogurt smoothie, made with 1/2 frozen banana, 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup yogurt and a splash of orange juice. I make this really thick and pretend it's a Yogen Fruz!

Snack - 60 calorie Joseph's Oat Bran Pita - ATTENTION CANADIANS - if you live close to a US border, cross it and buy this brand of pita. Oh my goodness!!!!! 60 calories for the whole thing and it is light and delicious. 2 tbsp. of greek yogurt/spinach dip - 40 calories. It felt like "cheating"for this 100 calorie snack.

Supper - 1 Striploin Steak (230 calories), steamed green and yellow beans from my garden, 1 pot cooked in olive oil

Snack - 1 nectarine

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 341 - On Track Today...

2011-07-18T22:17:00.002-04:00

All I can do is live life as it's dealt to me. I can have admirable intentions to eat healthy food in moderation for the rest of my life, but each day brings new choices. One healthy choice leads to another and the opposite is also quite true.

If I am going to be successful in losing the rest of my weight and keeping it off, I have to stop planning for Sept and beyond. I have to switch my focus from reaching number goals by specific dates to making wise decisions everyday. It's always tempting to focus on numbers, but my friend Jodi reminded me today that my focus used to be on healthy living. The number is a symptom of the real problem. I must focus and deal with the real problem and not the symptoms.

Of course it is such a simple concept and we all know the "One day at a time" mantra, but sometimes I need to be reminded of simple things. I have been trying to solve tomorrow's weight issues today. It doesn't work that way.

Today's healthy choices included-

Breakfast - 1 egg, 1 egg white

1/4 cup Greek Yogurt 0% fat, 1/2 banana, 1/4 cup blueberries, splash of OJ - smoothie

Lunch - taco salad - lettuce, tomatoes, 1/4 cup extra lean ground beef with organic taco seasoning, 10 whole wheat taco chips (90 calories), 2 tbsp Greek Yogurt, sprinkle of cheese

Supper - 1 beef burger served in lettuce instead of a bun, 1/2 cup potato wedges cooked in EVOO, lettuce, cucumber, tomato, dessert - 1/2 cup mixed blueberries and strawberries, 1`/4 cup Greek 0% yogurt.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 340 - If the Dress Fits...

2011-07-17T22:11:00.002-04:00

Last June, I was thrilled to buy a new dress for my sister in law's wedding. My weight was down to 164 and I was feeling on top of the world. Yesterday, I had a wedding to attend and my weight is far from 164. To be honest, I haven't stepped on a scale for a while, so I have do not know what it is currently, but it is probably 180, or slightly higher. Not good.

I wanted to wear my dress. In the past when I've lost weight, I haven't been able to wear clothes for more than one season. When I bought "skinny"clothes last summer, I desperately wanted to be able to wear them again. The dress fit. I did not look as thin in it as I did a year ago, but it was not a struggle to get the zipper up. I don't let that fool me into thinking that I am 164, because I am not, but I could be very soon if...

I drank 8 -10 full glasses of water daily

I would consistently eat healthy foods in moderation, clearly sticking to a low calorie count.

I would stop buying Perkins Peanut Butter ice cream in the USA.

I would start fasting again and see what's going on with my soul/heart.

Even though the dress fit, a small blouse did NOT fit today. At my smallest, the blouse was a bit tight, but is literally unwearable at this point. Oh the pain of it all. I know many of you understand and others shake their head and think - "Get it together Dawne".

I am trying and I am not giving up. I am not going to be a blogger that slowly disappears. It would seem I am on that path...posting less and less and as I gain and gain.

The positive is that I've kept up with some running this week and my running partner is back from vacation and ready to go! She motivates me.

This weekend was not good for eating. Yesterday was the wedding, and oh my goodness - it was amazing food. I ate a huge piece of beef and felt like a cow myself when I was through. Today, we celebrated our kid's amazing report cards at the Mandarin - a buffet style restaurant. Any Canadian will understand how that ended. A funny story from there...We were reading our fortunes from our fortune cookies to each other and it came time for my 13 year old son's turn. With a serious face, looking at the slip of paper, he reads, "Your sister will never find love." It was so hilarious. We all burst out laughing at his sense of humour! Even his 16 year old sister.

I'm going back and reading my posts, 1 a day from day 1 to find inspiration. I am going back to eating like I did in those early days, when it seemed easy. It worked for 80 pounds...I need to let it work again. I am not done!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 34-40 To Goal - TBH

2011-07-09T21:21:00.002-04:00

There is a social exercise going around Facebook amongst my daughter's friends. You post TBH on your profile page, friends like it and then you have to post an honest paragraph on their profile page. The spelling errors that occur in these paragraphs drive me mad...To be honest, your a great friend. I want to write, TBH, learn the proper use of you're and your - you are in high school!

All of that to write a TBH post.

TBH - I am struggling. I am struggling with the amount of food I am consuming and the kinds of food I am consuming. I have a lack of commitment and motivation. I can't seem to muster up that do or die consistency in healthy eating that I once possessed.

TBH - I am considering a rather drastic move. I do believe that one's lifestyle has to change in order to lose weight and keep it off. I know from my past experiences that going from diet method to diet method does not work. I know that I have to find a diet that can become my forever lifestyle, and not a passing fancy.

However, I am considering going on the HCG diet, physician assisted, in order to reach my goal weight. My physician friend would give me the HCG injections, as opposed to the drops and then there is the strict 500 daily calorie diet for 21 days. I know from other bloggers, it works. I also realize that I have to eat in moderation and make good choices in order to keep the weight off.

TBH - I am still exercising at least four days a week. I am doing a combination of running and walking and it feels good. I can feel the weight I've gained as I run. I can see the weight I've gained on my body. Exercise alone does not bring weight loss. It must be combined with a deficit of calories.

TBH - I haven't weighed in. I know that some believe that not weighing is being dishonest with bloggers and myself, however, I know what seeing that number will do to me. It messes with my emotions and I've come too far, having battled an eating disorder, to go down that road. So, I will give myself some time as I eat properly, and when my body starts to feel good again, my rings spinning, my clothes feeling less snug, then I'll do a weigh in and post it.

TBH - I still believe I can reach goal by September.1, 2011. Don't give up on me...I'm going to do it.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 31-33 To Goal - Give Your All

2011-07-02T22:13:00.003-04:00

I spent yesterday on Toronto's Island, watching my daughter compete in the Dominion Day regatta. Up front, I want to confess that I ate junk - candy, cookies and chips! Ugh! I did pack healthy snacks - vegetables, fruits and raw nuts, but somehow my hands made their way to the junk I packed for the boy's treats. Big mistake.

Besides that oops, it was great to realize how fit I was compared to the last time I was on the Island. Life is simply easier when you are not obese. The lines are easier to maneuver, the walking is easier, getting up and down off the ground easier and simply bending over to reach into the cooler for water is easier. It's important that I don't take these things for granted because it's these everyday things that have changed my life.

It was invigorating to watch the athletes battle for gold. Rowing is a very intense sport which requires complete commitment. Sometimes I despise it because our lives revolve around it. Practices are every day and nothing comes before rowing. Nothing. My husband drives my daughter to the course everyday at 4:45am, and he never complains! These athletes give 100%, 100% of the time in order to win, and win my daughter's crew did! Gold. It was all very exciting and the upcoming season appears to be very promising.

When the rowers think they are giving it their all, they sometimes have to give more in order to pull ahead and cross that finish line first. In order to reach the prize, they must consistently practice, learning and perfecting new techniques. They cannot take days off, or be kind of committed to the crew - it's give it all you've got!

I want that drive and determination. I know my prize - it's size 8 and 155 pounds. I know what it takes - 100% consistency in healthy eating and exercise. I cannot be half committed and expect to see results. Just as my daughter is training to win gold at the Henley Cup in August, I am in training to reach my prize September 1st.

Even though she loves rowing, she isn't always happy about her choices. She's cranky from fatigue, her body often aches and she is sometimes dissatisfied with her social life as a result of the time put into her sport. It's hard, but to her it's worth it. Changing my lifestyle is hard. It is not easy! To care everyday about every bite is all consuming discipline. But, to me it is worth it.

I had a great eating day today. I had an enjoyable run, seeing a fox on our run and a deer on my drive home. My legs ache just right - enough to show me I worked hard. Tomorrow's lunch will be my main meal, as it my parent's retirement dinner after the church service. They have been ministers for over 40 years!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 24-30 to Goal - I am Alive

2011-06-29T22:13:00.003-04:00

Yes, I am alive. No, I have not fallen off the healthy eating wagon. I simply have been terribly busy and when I began to post, words failed me.

It has been a good week, although the scale has me the same this week - 175. My goal is 155. I am 20 pounds away and I want to reach 155 by September 1st.

Getting to 155 is likely going to require a little bit of obsession on my part. It's been so lovely to live without focusing on everything little thing I put in my mouth or when I can fit exercise in. I long to live a life that does not revolve around food, calories and exercise. I realize that in order for the scale to move at the speed I long for, I need to be more intentional this summer.

I have been careful this week, not ever over doing it, but indulging at times in moderation. I have found time to run, although not every day. My goal this week is to exercise more, making time for it despite my schedule. I wish this alone could bring the scale down because it's a good place to be in.

I have had excellent conversation with my running partner, who struggles with the all or nothing attitude so many of us struggle with. It's this struggle that keeps many of us in the vicious cycle of overeating, dieting, losing and gaining weight back. My true goal is to beat this cycle. To figure out how to get off that pattern of living, but it's so difficult to articulate and pin point the answer to this common struggle. Perhaps we all have to find that happy place for ourselves? My goal is not to diet or find the perfect healthy foods to eat to get to goal and to maintain weight. My goal is to live free from the rules of food and to break my unhealthy relationship with it. That is the disease. The weight is the symptom! It's so great to have some to dialogue with friends who understand these issues. Most people who have never struggled in this area simply cannot understand.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 21-23 to goal! Challenge Update!

2011-06-22T21:43:00.002-04:00

This week has been the best yet of the Eating Well challenge. I have been consistently eating in moderation and consistently exercising.

Guess what consistency brings? Weight loss. 2 pounds down to 175. 20 pounds away from my goal!

Tonight I was doing some cross border shopping and eyeing all of the fashions I hope to purchase once I reach goal. For the time being, I am exercising control in the shopping area, partly due to budget and partly due to wanting to treat myself when I reach my goal.

One note about cross border shopping, and this only relates to the Walmart in Niagara Falls, NY and is not a statement regarding all of American culture...but, the cashiers are SLOW!! Oh my goodness, people in that store, both customers and employees would never keep up in the Canadian shopping culture. It has been a very interesting observation. By the way, I wasn't eyeing Walmart fashions, I was grocery shopping. I am more of a Black and White chain shopper. Of course, I realize things would feel differently in a larger US city, but things move slow as molasses over in Niagara Falls, NY!

I had a fantastic run last night, really pushing myself in terms of speed. I was soaked with sweat, as the humidity has set in where we live. I continue to run at dusk, right beside the water, which is so lovely. I feel so blessed to live close to this path and to have a body that can run.

I'm aiming for another fantastically, consistent week. I have some exciting, amazing news about someone in blog world, but I'm waiting for their announcement on their blog before I share.

Eating less, moving more, feeling happy,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Days 17-19 To Goal - Winning!

2011-06-18T21:06:00.003-04:00

I have officially finished working for the school year and am on holidays! I am going to teach a little bit over the summer for some extra cash, but it's summer!

With the end of the school year often comes end of the year gifts. All are so appreciated, but this salad bowl is one of my favourite gifts I've received. It's called the Twice a Week salad bowl and it contains a few varieties of lettuce and greens. You cut one side of the greens the first part of the week, and then cut the other side later in the week. Isn't that cool? Isn't that a thoughtful gift?

Today, I feel like I am winning this fight because:

1. I worked at a candy floss machine at our church carnival today and didn't taste even once!

2. I resisted all food at the carnival, eating a healthy lunch of spinach and poached eggs before I arrived.

3. I have been 100% consistent and in control today. I need more days like this because this is what brings results.

4. Although no one was available to run or walk with me, I talked myself into running around the neighborhood. I felt great afterwards.

5. Yesterday, my friend and I power walked for 1.5 hours.

I'm not allowing my weight gain to sabotage getting to goal! I'm racing there...

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Days 12-16 to Goal - Challenge Update

2011-06-15T22:47:00.003-04:00

Week two of the June Eating Well Challenge has needed a rename for me - June Eating Better Challenge. I suppose eating better than I have been is eating well, but I like to strive for perfection. Most of my days this week were on target, but a day here and there that strays from that keeps one from losing the kind of weight I need to lose.

No one can give me the drive and commitment I need but me. You can wish for me, hope for me, pray for me - but, it's all up to me. I am not going back, but I am having trouble staying 100% consistent and it's driving me nuts!

My daughter claims it is because I am now doing my grocery shopping in the USA. By cross border shopping, I am saving $500 per month- yes, you read that right. Not everything is cheaper, but most things are much cheaper. My daughter is convinced she has gained weight eating USA products and swears their products are higher calorie! My son is devastated that I can't find Ketchup chips in Niagara Fall, NY. I have found the chip selection limited compared to Canada, which surprises me. She claims it's too much food for too little money, and that it's better for my weight to shop at home.

My weigh in had me the same - at 177. It makes my blood boil to remember that I was down to 158 last August. It's so much work to lose weight - arggghhhh, how did I let this happen? This week, I am committed to being more consistent and working harder to see 175. That's my week's goal - a 2 pound loss. It's reasonable and it's doable.

We enjoyed strawberries from our own garden today for dessert. They were sweet, ripe, juicy and delicious. I love the change of seasons in terms of foods. I will eventually tire of grilled meats and look forward to my hearty soups, but right now, the change in season is just what I needed. I am also enjoying freezing lemon and lime juice in ice cube trays and popping them into my water to keep my drinking. I am also committed to drinking a healthy amount of water this week.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days -11 To Goal - Learning from the Young Ones

2011-06-10T21:47:00.003-04:00

I weighed in on Wednesday and saw a loss of 2 pounds. I'll take it. If I can consistently lose two pounds per week, I will make it to goal by September.

I am so happy for my children today. My son is not a natural born athlete, but he is a natural musician. It's cool to be an athlete, and he often feels shame in not enjoying or excelling in sports. When he moved on to Middle School, he was warned that it is very difficult to make a sports team at that school, in comparison to his small elementary school. He wrestled with the decision to try out for the baseball team, the one sport that he truly enjoys. I encouraged him to be brave and just accept the results if he didn't make the team. He was thrilled to survive both cuts. I am so proud of him for being courageous, and I am so happy for him that it was a successful result this time.

My daughter has joined a summer rowing club, as the high school program has ended for the year. It is highly competitive, and much of it is based on a erg score. After tallying the best erg scores, athletes are placed in boats, and then their technique is considered before the final boats are selected. They make it clear that the goal of making the crews is to make a one that can win the Henley Regatta. She was anxious about the erg score and has had difficulty breaking a certain time because she is not a heavy weight, and therefore does not pull quite as hard as some others. Today, after the erg test, she phoned me weeping - she beat her personal best score by ten full seconds! This is amazing news and puts her 2K erg score at a highly competitive rate.

Both of those children decided to be courageous and to go for it. They both experienced the high of being successful this time. I'm learning from these little ones. I choose to be courageous, battle it out to the end and find success at 155!

I glanced at Dr. Dukan's diet book today at the book store. The Dukan diet is the diet that the Middleton family followed to achieve their incredibly svelte wedding figures. He has my weight, mid frame and my height, as 120!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Oh my goodness, my heart sank. My own Dr's chart says I can weigh 155 and be healthy. I wish I had never seen that book!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 8 To Goal - Running High

2011-06-07T21:34:00.002-04:00

I've just returned from a run. I am rebuilding my endurance and my love for this form of exercise has returned. I feel strong and invincible. Honestly, you'd think I was an Olympic athlete with how strong I feel right now! I am so relieved that my run wasn't too cumbersome. I feel like I can rebuild my speed, start adding intervals and eventually increase my distance, which is what I enjoy. I can leave the speed to others, but I love longer distances.

I prepared a delicious, easy, "clean"meal tonight. As a working Mom, I need easy meals for nights when we have to be at three different places at once. ( meetings, music lessons, baseball!) Tonight's dinner was chicken breasts, sliced open, stuffed with fresh spinach and goat cheese feta, topped with bruschetta and baked for 45 minutes. Simple, clean and delicious. I served this with mashed yams, with a little added Greek yogurt to make it creamy and grilled asparagus.

My eating was bang on all day. Why is it so easy some days??? There are days when I forget I've ever had a problem with overeating. Days when I can consume very few calories and feel energized. Then, there are those other days, where it seems impossible to eat in moderation - when food seems to hold power over me. The only power it has, is the power I give it.

Tomorrow is weigh in day on my race to goal. I am hoping for a 4 pound loss. I shouldn't have such high expectations, but I do.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 5-7 to Goal - Street Food

2011-06-06T21:30:00.002-04:00

It is week one of my "June Eat Well Challenge" and I ate perfectly well, except for yesterday. On Wednesday, I will weigh in and I am hoping for a loss because my summer capris are not fitting too well and it's supposed to be very hot and humid this week.

Yesterday we went to a Buskerfest, as my husband and son both enjoy street performing. My husband can ride a 6 ft. unicycle, while juggling lit torches- yes, he is a freak of nature! Our son has decided to be just like his Daddy, and is learning to ride his smaller unicycle and enjoys blowing fire and diabolo tricks.

With a Buskerfest comes copious varieties of street food. Oh my goodness - it smelled so good! I said NO many times to the various booths we passed, opting for the healthiest option, which was chicken and vegetables on a pita. I made a vital mistake and had a small soft serve ice cream cone, which blows my perfect eating for June.

Although I wasn't perfect, I plan to work hard for the rest of the challenge and GET TO GOAL for September 1st.

One positive thing that happened on the weekend, was that I had a "feel good"moment at a wedding I played for. I was a bit anxious about the wedding, because it was a wedding of a very wealthy student of mine. Teaching at a school for the financially elite, I have come to learn that wealth and thin go together! I thought I would look like an elephant at the wedding, but I was far from the biggest person there. I must say, I hated looking around and realizing that, because I am so against sizing people up. Regardless, I did not feel out of place at all, even without botox in my face!

I am aiming for a good exercise week.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Days 3- 4 To Goal - Hard Work!!!!

2011-06-03T21:14:00.002-04:00

I watched my daughter work tirelessly this Spring as the rowing regatta season approached. She rises at 4:30 am to make her 5:15 am practice. She then spends a full day at school, where she excels, and manages to hold down two jobs before hitting her pillow as soon as she can. She is driven and she thrives on a challenge.

Last year her crew of 4 placed second at most regattas, but did not make the Canadian Championships final. This year, has been a different story. The senior rowers were put in an eight boat, and the girls are continually bickering. A Senior novice rower was placed on this Ä"team, as a result of her erg scores. They were given a young, University student as a coach and they have not excelled. To watch her give every ounce of her being to this sport and not excel as a team this year has been heart wrenching. She will row for a competitive club this summer and hopefully experience some results of her hard work.

She is incredibly positive about the experience - mentioning that she has never pulled as hard as she did today. She was quite proud of throwing up in the water after the race! She is proud that her crew came together and did their best. But, when it comes down to it, she would like to win eventually.

I have worked very, very hard to lose and keep off 70 pounds. It has required emotional work, physical exercise and gut wrenching honesty. I have not won yet. All that work, and I have not yet won.

I am taking a lesson from my beautiful 16 year old and continuing on towards goal. She is not giving up rowing over a poor season and I am not giving up over a 20 pound weight gain. NO WAY!

It's a fight to goal and I'm going to put in the work to be a winner!

Breakfast - 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, 1/4 cup berries, 2 tbsp. Kashi

Lunch - 1 whole grains pita, 1/4 cup hummus, 1 sugar free tapioca pudding

Snack - same as breakfast

Supper - 1 grilled chicken breast with 1 tbsp. of bbque sauce, stir fry veggies in 1 tsp olive oil, 1 sugar free tapioca pudding

Snack - 1/2 banana, 1 tbsp. natural peanut butter

Exercise was a bust today. Tomorrow, I am running!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 2 To Goal - June Challenge

2011-06-01T20:57:00.002-04:00

Yesterday began Day One of completely consistent on track eating until I reach my goal. That involved a very disappointing and shocking weigh in. I am ashamed to tell you that I am up 21 pounds from my lowest weight on this journey. I weighed in at 179. The good news is that 179 looks a lot better than 249. I am also confident that because I am getting back on track completely, it may shock my system and I may find myself losing quickly again.

Why focus on what I have gained, when I can break the cycle of regaining all of my weight back by kicking into 100% on track eating right now? Normal people do gain weight over winter. That is not an excuse, it is simply an observation. Not only previously obese people gain weight. Twenty pounds is A LOT to gain in the short time I did, but it serves as evidence that I genetically gain weight very quickly and easily. I was NOT eating bags of chips, pounds of bacon or cartons of ice cream. I was also not 100% focused on eating the way I need to in order to maintain this weight loss.

Most of my small clothing still fits, although snugly. There are one pair of capri pants that I wore last summer that I cannot wear. I almost cried. They are a size small, and they will fit next month. The rings on my fingers still spin. All is not lost. I am not obese.

BUT - I do have work to do, and how timely that Josie is holding a 30 days of eating well challenge for the month of June.

I stated my goals in last night's post.

Clearly, I cannot be trusted to rely on my clothes as a measure of how I am doing. I still need the scale to indicate what is working and what is not. I intend to weigh in every Monday, as I have two friends I will meet with on that night as a means of support in our efforts to be healthy and slim.

I am actually quite excited to embark on weighing in and changing my ticker every week again. When I was losing quickly, I would weigh first thing in the morning and quickly change my weight data before I left for work. I want that excitement and motivation again. Come on readers - you want it too!!! Let's do this - the race towards goal! I'm setting my eyes on the author and perfecter of my faith to get me there!

Breakfast - 1/4 cup blueberries, 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, 2 tbsp. Kashi cereal

Lunch - 1 small whole wheat flax wrap, 2 oz. turkey, pea pods, 1 banana

Snack - 1/4 slice cantaloupe

Supper - 1 chicken thigh, mushrooms, onion, Chinese cabbage, 1 tsp. olive oil, soy sauce, 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, 1/4 cup blueberries, 2 tbsp. Kashi cereal

2 tbsp of 1% milk in tea, 1 tbsp cream in coffee

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 261 - Day One of Consistency

2011-05-31T21:58:00.002-04:00

I have begun my fast race to goal. It will take the following:

1. Perfect consistency - the kind that saw me down 80 pounds in 8 months. I cannot afford to have bad days here and there. There is a difference between a bad day or two a week and an occasional treat. I will not indulge in a treat until I am at goal. I have had one too many days since Christmas and it's caught up with me. The bad news results will be in tomorrow and you will see my ticker go up. I am not going to focus on that however. I'd rather focus on the excitement of my goal in sight.

2. Regular exercise. It was difficult to keep up my running throughout our cold, icy winter. I did not enjoy running in the cold and I seemed to lose my love for it. I am back to it - having run last night and tonight. The good news is that I was able to run the full 5K, although not at an impressive pace. As I was running, I could see how I could fall in love again with this form of exercise. I will have to devise a workable exercise plan for next winter because I don't plan on gaining weight again!

3. Consistent reliance on God. I have learned to trust God with my stress and that trust must be more than words. I cannot allow God to work in my life if I don't share with Him my feelings, thoughts and stress. This takes allowing time to spend with Him each day.

Breakfast - 2 poached eggs

Lunch - 1 cup of grapes, 1/2 cup of plain Kashi cereal

Snack - 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, 1/4 cup blueberries, 2 tbsp Kashi cereal

Supper - 1 chicken thigh with 1 tbsp bbque sauce (sugar in it unfortunately), 3/4 cup rice pilaf, 1 cup green beans, 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, 1/4 cup blueberries

Exercise - 5K run

Yr. 2, Day 259,260 - The Heat is On!

2011-05-30T22:10:00.002-04:00

Mother Nature turned up the heat in the Niagara Region of Southern Ontario. We really did not experience Spring weather this year - we have kind of gone from winter to summer overnight! I quite like the heat and I love getting all sweaty when I run in it!

The heat has also been turned up in my motivation and commitment to success. June 1st I will weigh in and you can expect to see the ticker go up. It's sad, but it's my reality. The positive is I am turning up the heat now and not 40 pounds later. This my friends is breaking the cycle!

I ran tonight with my running partner and then we met with our other friend, all of us struggling to get back on track. Neither of my friends have truly been obese, but they recognize that they have been eating out of control, after being on track before Christmas. It was good to share our concerns, our goals and we will meet again next week to discuss how they were met.

I have three months to get to goal. It will take consistency - none of this being on track for a few days and then having a couple of bad days. That does not work! What happens is the bad days start to outweigh the good days, and before you know it, you are back to your old lifestyle. I know the cycle. I have lived the cycle and it is my time for that cycle to be broken! AMEN!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 275-278 - Change of Tide

2011-05-28T21:49:00.002-04:00

It's no secret to my readers that I have felt frustrated with my weight and inability to reach my goal - whether it be a scale number or wearing a certain pair of jeans. At first, it was a legitimate plateau, with me doing all the right things, but a scale stuck at 167. Then, it started to move again, to 158 and then came company, the holidays and a weight gain and inconsistency in eating right.

I also seem to have been stuck in a whirlwind of bad luck. I can't write about all the things that have occurred but I lost my roof and my front loading washing machine within two weeks of each other, putting a financial strain on our household.

Somehow, I feel the tide has changed. The lovely Sharon awarded me with this lovely blogging award for an honest and real blog. She wrote this:

The only requirement for this award was to pass it along to someone I felt deserved it for the honesty and reality found in their blog. One of my favorite bloggers is Dawne who blogs at It's My Time. I came upon Dawne's blog shortly after I began my own and we've supported each other since then. Dawne lost a tremendous amount of weight in a short amount of time through clean eating. She then hit a plateau which lasted forever even with complete adherence to her eating plan. Then the weight started coming off again just before the holidays. Since then she, like many of us, have struggled with a slight regain and finding the motivation to shed the remaining pounds. I absolutely love her blog, her writing style and most of all, her complete honesty about how she's feeling and what she's thinking. It's a long way to Canada, but I'd sure love to meet her in person and share our stories face to face!

Thank you Sharon. You have helped the tide change and you are a real part of my journey!

Then, after a month of things breaking down, I won a giveaway on Shelley's blog. First, most giveaways are not open to us Canadians, so I was especially lucky to win some granola from Shelley. I have always been inspired by Shelley and I really appreciate where she is right now in her journey. She does not pretend maintenance is easy, but she does not beat herself up for slight gains either. She's not all or nothing when determining where she is in the journey. Perfection isn't her goal and I think that is what makes her successful.

Another change of tide was evidenced in my running partner's comment that she noticed my endurance was improving in tonight's run. I needed that encouragement and it gives me the boost I need to keep at the running. It's the only exercise I have truly ever enjoyed in my life and I know it's one I can maintain.

I am hopeful that the next change of tide is going to be excellent consistency in healthy, moderate eating to take me to goal at my two year mark.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 272-274 - Choices

2011-05-24T16:30:00.002-04:00

In the end, how I live my life is my choice. There have been days when I have felt powerless. Powerless over circumstances, powerless over my natural reaction to eat in times of stress and anxiety and powerless over my lack of natural athletic ability.

I thinks some people have a greater tendency to struggles with specific things. For instance, I have absolutely no attraction to smoking or drinking as a means to cope with life's stresses, but there are many people in this world who feel powerless over those habits.

The fact is I have to work harder than other people to maintain a relatively normal sized physique. I cannot enjoy high calorie snacks, even on occasion, without that food doing damage to my size. I put on my weight extremely easy. At this point, it seems I have no control over that genetic fact, but perhaps with increased muscle my metabolism will change. Despite how hard I have to work, it is my choice to make.

I choose to continue to fight and work hard. That includes writing my blog, whether I chose to make it private at some point or not. I choose not to be a blogger who gave up when the going got tough. I also choose not to be a blogger continually stuck, which is who I seem to be today. I choose to work as hard as possible to lose my remaining weight within a time frame - my two year anniversary. I know how to lose weight and I am determined to learn how to keep it off.

I choose to get back to serious running and rediscover it's joys and benefits. (I had a decant run/power walk yesterday) It's a choice. There are no excuses for me. Life can throw what it will, but I am the only one who chooses to put something in my mouth to cope with it.

I've made my choice and I am going to get there. I plan to take a photo of the two pair of pants I hope to fit into by September 1st. I plan to weigh in on June 1, officially record it, even if I have to change my ticker. I choose to be accountable to this forum and I choose to be a successful loser!

Choosing to eat less and move more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 268-271 - Reality

2011-05-21T20:35:00.003-04:00

My husband and I have been diligently working on a budget to reign in our spending and seriously save money. We found it quite a shock to return back to Canada after living in Asia for over three years, where the money seemed like Monopoly money. It was a life without financial stress. Upon returning to Canada, we continued to spend like we were using Monopoly money and have had to face reality and get things in order.

I need to do the same with this journey. My reality is -

1. I am finding it hard to get back into exercise. I am running once a week, at best, walking once or twice a week.

2. I have less than 100 days to the 2 year mark. I need to see 155 or size 8 by then. I owe it to the journey, to myself, to my readers, to God.

3. I have gained weight. From my very lowest on this journey, I am up 15 pounds! I cannot and will not go back, but I have to be so careful right now.

4. I have been considering shutting down my blog. In some ways, I feel it has served it's purpose. It allowed me to work out my issues through writing and the support I received from other weight loss bloggers has been amazing. It feels like a different blog world now, with many who saw me through year one, having moved on - out of blog world.

Can I reach goal without blogging? Is blogging key to my journey? A huge issue is feeling I have to answer to people in my real life who read my blog. I feel like I am questioned about things I write and so the feeling of "free and safe therapy" has vanished.

This is where I am today.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 264-267 It's Working...

2011-05-17T21:51:00.002-04:00

It's amazing when I listen to my body. It tells me that I am doing something healthy and it is responding, even if I am not using my electronic, piece of metal to tell me what it's doing.

Signs that I'm back on track...

1. My rings are spinning. They have been sized a total of four times since I began this journey in September 2009.

2. My clothes that were feeling snug are starting to loosen, although they have a ways to go.

3. My face looks drawn in the morning.

4. When I go to bed at night, I feel hungry - that empty feeling that I thought was danger back in my obese days. :)

5. When I wake up in the morning, I literally NEED food or I cannot function. I remember dreading breakfast in my obese days. The night time snacking made me feel bloated in the mornings.

6. I am getting that pep back in my step, despite the incredibly cold and rainy Spring days we are experiencing. We had to turn our central heating back on! It's May!

7. I've got that motivated feeling...like I know I can do this final stretch.

Guess what? The scale is not the be all and end all to life! Who knew? I am learning that weight can be managed without constant weighing. I will weigh again, but never like I used to.

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Yr.2, Day 252-253 - Thanks Friends!

2011-05-13T21:50:00.002-04:00

Battling a virus, I have found myself emotionally down the last few days. Every thing has seemed more traumatic than it actually is, including my washing machine breaking down today. I am so thankful for some friends who have picked me up, helped me see reality and inspired me to fight until the end.

One friend suggested I back out of a commitment and she found a replacement for me, as a result of my health. My fever has broken, but I am still struggling with a sore throat, head ache, no voice and sore chest. I was supposed to sing tonight...thanks for talking sense to me friend.

Another friend was unafraid of my germs, or my ill son's germs, and stopped by for tea. We sat outside in the beautiful weather, drinking in the Vitamin D, some tea and identifying with each other's lives. Hashing through issues we both find ourselves in, she helped me see that life isn't so bad and I have so much to be thankful for. Thanks for listening and sharing your life friend.

I've spent the last few minutes reading the writings of my blog world friends. I feel inspired by Jennifer and Jen's renewed commitment and energy to losing weight. I want to join in by fighting hard, although on my terms. I know that God has lead me to veer from a specific diet, to break the cycle I have always known, but I can do so with the same kind of commitment that these ladies are tackling their specific diet programs with. I'm with you two - I want to fight.

I have eaten well, making good choices. If I feel better tomorrow, I am hoping for a 5K run, in between the fore casted showers.

Two are better than one! Thanks friends for picking me up!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 249-251 Interesting Blog!

2011-05-11T14:27:00.002-04:00

I am writing from my bed, curled up in my duvet, even though the rest of the city is enjoying the sunshine in their summer clothes outside. Last night, my stomach was quite upset, but today, I have a fever, headache and sore throat. I worked part of the day, but I could not continue. It is painful to even speak.

I have discovered, through a friend, a blog that has been very helpful. It is written by a Canadian physician who is an obesity expert. I found this article extremely interesting in particular.

http://www.weightymatters.ca/2011/04/if-last-10lbs-are-hardest-youre-doing.html?utm_medium=twitter&utm_source=twitterfeed

In addition to this article, I have also been following Shelly, at My Journey to Fit, and her slight weight gain. It has been encouraging to me that she is also gauging her weight situation based on clothing, but her most recent post really caught my attention. When she was at her absolute smallest, she was dissatisfied with her remaining stomach flab. I have often worked hard to reach a weight goal, only to be dissatisfied with myself when I arrive at that weight. There is always something - flabby arms, extra fat on the stomach, etc.

Looking back over my years of battling weight, I have come to realize that there is always something that eludes me. I can never quite reach that magic goal weight or fit into my friend's smallest pant size. This sense of "failure"only keeps me on the never ending cycle of overeating, dieting, losing and gaining it back. There has to a point of satisfaction.

It is exciting that my mind is consumed with keeping what I have lost off and not on how to lose more and get to the magic number I gave myself. I am still overweight - I should weigh 155 for a moderate body weight of someone my height and build. (according to my Dr., whom I trust and respect) I have proven that I am not going to get to 155 and keep it off by "dieting"or striving for 149, just to get out of the 150's.

At this point, I am learning to eat without obsession regarding calories, fat, fiber, carb or protein. I am continuing to learn what it means to eat in moderation, while making good, healthy choices. I understand and appreciate the role that physical exercise plays in my spiritual, physical and mental well being and I believe that my body weight will follow! I have two pair of pants to fit into and when they fit comfortably, that is my goal weight.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 244-248 Not What It Seems

2011-05-08T13:14:00.002-04:00

No, I have not fallen off the eating moderately wagon, but have been incredibly busy the last few days. I have survived on very little sleep, between work, the busy rowing season and an all day/evening choir Festival in Toronto - there has been no time to blog.

It's been interesting to be this busy because I haven't been able to devote time to planning what I am going to eat and when I am going to exercise. Despite the time constraints of the week, I managed one shorter run and a long, power walk with my husband. It has been a good indicator that I can fit exercise into a busy life, as long as it's made a priority. I hope to run this afternoon, after watching the first race in my daughter's regatta.

This is the Mother's Day regatta, the one that motivated me to battle this weight once and for all. Two years ago, I watched as Mothers handed out medals to their first place winners and was thankful my daughter's boat had not won first because I didn't want to be the fat Mom giving out a medal to my athletic daughter. Last year, her crew won second place, so the medals were not handed out at the grand stands, meaning that I didn't get to be the normal sized Mom giving her athletic daughter a medal. We'll see what happens today, but she's quite sure that her boat cannot beat a rival High School's crew.

Food wise, I have been managing quite well. It's obvious that my food preferences have changed dramatically as I have purposely not "dieted"this week. My first instinct is to choose healthy foods, and I am eating in moderation. Coupled with regular exercise, I am really excited to see if abandoning the diet regime I fell into once I hit my plateau will be what brings me to my goal weight of 155.

My plan is to eat this way until July 1st, when I will weigh in. I have two pair of pants, a size 8 petite pair of jeans that eluded me at 158, and a pair of size 8 cotton pants that will fit me before the jeans. Once those jeans fit, whatever weight I am, that will be my ideal weight.

I truly believe this is the last leg of my journey. I know that what I have learned, how I have changed and what I have to abandon to get off this roller coaster of dieting, losing and regaining will bring me to where my body needs to be. I am choosing to abandon a diet and regular scale checks. I am not suggesting that this is for anyone else but me. This has been my journey and my goal can no longer be a number, or even a skinny body, but a healthy, moderate, fit life.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 242, 243 - Finding the Time

2011-05-03T20:56:00.002-04:00

It is not always easy to prioritize and find the time to accomplish all that needs to be done in the day. I always find Spring a very busy time of year. Between end of year concerts, music exam preparations, children in Spring sports, I find we are overly busy. I can't even bring myself to think about what I have on the schedule for the rest of the week because I don't want to panic.

Getting through each commitment, I know that I must find the time for two things.

1. Time with God.

2. 4 days of exercise

I cannot live a life of eating moderately without these two things. They cannot be compromised for anything.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 240-241 - You Told Me So

2011-05-01T15:47:00.003-04:00

I know that many of you have told me what I have come to realize today. Many of you have suggested the things that I am going to write, but your words did not become my reality and understanding until now.

On September 1, 2009 I was determined to get off of the diet roller coaster. I was caught in a pattern of serious dieting, serious cheating, serious losing and serious gaining back. In my opinion the diet world feeds into the pattern that most people who struggle with obesity find themselves in. When you are caught in this vicious cycle, it feels like there is little hope of ever getting off of it.

Until I can truly believe that my self worth is not equated with a number, I will not be free. I was recently reminiscing with an old friend and remembering people together. It was interesting to me that she judged how she thought people we were doing based on their size from Facebook photos. One member of the family we were remembering looked healthy, the other obese. There was judgement there and it bothered me.

When I hit my major plateau, almost a year ago, at 167, I began to try everything and anything the diet world suggested. One hundred pounds was my goal and it was seemingly out of my control. Something clicked in church today. No matter how many times I have sought to make this journey one of faith and trust in God, it's been about a number. I will never be free, never be off the diet roller coaster if that is my ultimate goal.

My ultimate goal must be living in a proper, God intended relationship with food. The number will come. My focus has been on watching that number decrease, trying to manipulate it and control it. That is not the goal I seek in my life. I seek to be healthy - emotionally, spiritually and physically. I seek to put God first in everything. This requires getting off the diet roller coaster and simply eating in a way that God intended.

From what I read in Scripture, God made food for enjoyment, not to be feared. He made it for physical sustenance, not for emotional healing. He made it to enjoy at celebrations, not to be ignored for fear of fat. If I am living a healthy life in all areas, food and diet should not consume my thoughts.

For the next two months, my goal is to eat healthily, with the knowledge I have, but not live in diet mode. I will continue my healthy pattern of exercising during the week, but focusing less on eating in a diet manner.

I am abandoning the scale yet again. I know I flip flop back and forth on this. My friend Brenda had suggested using clothing as my physical goal in the past, and I'm finally taking her advice. I have a tiny pair of jeans, that did not fit me at my smallest weight this time around. (158 pounds - I am currently averaging between 169 and 175 pounds) I will know my body has responded to eating less and eating more when those jeans fit.

I am done with the daily, weekly, monthly, whenever I feel like it, weigh ins. Two months, putting food in it's proper place, not dieting, not overeating, exercising...let's see how my body responds.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 238-239 On Track

2011-04-29T21:41:00.002-04:00

It has been a crazy few days with a wind storm that took off a good portion of our roof shingles and a horrible pre-concert rehearsal today with my high school choir. It feels like nothing is going right in my life, BUT, I am back on track and eating well and in control.

I have made concrete plans to run 8K tomorrow and it's supposed to be a lovely day. I shopped tonight so I could ensure a fridge filled with healthy choices. It feels like everything is right on track. When I start to see my face looking thinner and my clothes feeling looser again, a weigh in will occur. I know that this is the right choice for me in terms of a weigh in.

Tonight I passed by several ladies in the grocery store and in my head I said, "Never again." It certainly was not judgement because I could be that size in no time. I understand how they got there and how difficult it seems to leave that place. I've left it and gone back, not once, but three times. Never again...I will remain on track, by the grace of God.

I watched Kate Middleton, her sister and Mother and thought, "I will never know that body size!" Wow, those ladies are TINY!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 237 - The Right Question

2011-04-27T22:42:00.002-04:00

Today I was asked the right question at exactly the right time.

A colleague passed me by in the school hallway and blurted out, "How did you lose all of your weight and how have you maintained it?" She has never mentioned my physical change before. First, to have her notice that I have kept off a large amount of weight for sometime and call it maintaining was like she had given me an award. I did tell her that I have regained some weight, and likely more than I have admitted to. I have been staying off the scale since my relapse!

Some would say I should weigh myself, as it's only being honest to the blog world and to myself. They are entitled to their opinion. I know Dawne. I know the vicious cycle that Satan would love to keep me in. I see a gain, feel shame and eat my weight up the scale. I refuse to participate. As my clothes start feeling comfortable, I will weigh and post, and the bloggers who feel I'm being dishonest will get over it and move on. The pounds I have gained this week will come off as quickly as they found me, by eating well and exercising.

Her question prompted me to tell her my "diet"story. She was shocked that I had not followed a specific plan, although I did have my own plan. I reminded myself of the basics of that plan. So simple and it worked. When I started complicating my simple plan with the latest diet trends, that's when things slightly came to a halt.

I'm back to Day One. Egg white omelet or smoothie for breakfast, salad or soup with some protein for lunch, Greek yogurt for snack and a moderate portion of whatever I'm preparing for my family. Once a month, I plan to revisit the discipline of fasting, not as a method of losing weight, but as a method of discovering why my soul hungers. I'm going back to the simple basics that worked for me.

I have no idea what prompted my colleague to ask me that question today, but it was exactly what I needed to answer. My eating day has been stellar. Tomorrow, I'm back to my old way. I'm excited!!!!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 234-236 - Struggling

2011-04-26T22:08:00.002-04:00

On the bright side, I went for a 5K run tonight. On the down side, my eating has been out of control. There are no excuses, no reasons, I am simply struggling to eat in control. I have never been foolish enough to think that this struggle would magically disappear. I am quite sure I will struggle with this behaviour for the rest of my life.

There are times when I can analyze and figure out what is causing the panic inside of me that brings about overeating. Today, I can't pin point what the issue is exactly. I am struggling.

If I want to remain successful in maintaining what I have lost and losing more weight, I cannot let the days of struggle continue. I cannot give up and call it quits, no matter how difficult it feels at the moment. Instead, I can make good choices as much as I can and not beat myself up or live in shame when I fail. That in itself is a change in behaviour.

My plan is to spend some quiet time with God and pour out my soul to Him. What is my soul longing for and why do I think food can fill that hunger? I know that exercise alone cannot help me control my weight. The kind of food and the amounts of food I consume are key to this new lifestyle.

Ugh, I thought I would be past this at this point in the journey, but it is what it is. There isn't a magical story here, but there is hope. I am not going back!!!!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 232-233 The Good and the Bad

2011-04-23T20:32:00.002-04:00

Happy Easter! Happy Spring. Winter seems to have finally left Southern Ontario and we had a taste of Spring weather today. I am looking forward to meals and visiting out on the patio and runs along the canal path.

Good Friday was a success and a failure. I planned to eat only fruit at the church potluck, but a fellow clean eater brought Greek Yogurt and clean granola, so instead I enjoyed a serving of that with my fruit. There was nothing else on the table worth cheating for! Success.

Next was the dinner meal at my in law's house. I had planned NO to dessert, which is usually paska - which is a lemony, white bread, smothered in icing and sprinkles. I have already enjoyed some this season and had planned to say NO. I did not manage to stay away from MIL's homemade rolls, eating two small ones. (zwiebak, is their German name) I ate a very moderate portion of the main meal, enjoying the cucumber salad very much. I did not manage to say no to the dessert. It wasn't even that great, so I wish I had refused, but sometimes I get so annoyed when the thin people surrounding me are enjoying the meal guilt and worry free.

It's a matter of feeling sorry for myself. God blesses some people with great genes and a great metabolism. Not me! I probably shouldn't feel sorry for myself, but sometimes it feels injust that I have to work so hard to be this weight, which is certainly not skinny! (although I do appreciate that my friend Nicole calls me skinny minny)

How ironic to feel sorry for myself at a time when we remember all that Christ suffered on our behalf. Was it fair? Absolutely not, but He gave and gave so I could have life. Having life means freedom from the overeating and I continue to discover the fullness of joy in that truth.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 230-231 - Cooking Irony

2011-04-21T22:43:00.003-04:00

I grew up with a Mom who cooked from her head. She did not generally follow recipes, unless she was baking. I assumed this was how everyone cooked. I even cooked for crowds as the head cook at a camp, only using recipes for very specific desserts or baked goods.

When I started hanging out with my husband's family,I noticed that his Mom almost always used a recipe. After I married, I began experimenting more in the kitchen, following recipes and trying to be a "fancy"cook.

Most consider me a good cook. I enjoy cooking, but not baking. Every week, I try a new recipe, whether from a cook book or a magazine. Despite preparing some impressive meals over the years, my husband is not a complimenter in this department. He could likely be trained, but it's difficult to teach an old dog new tricks. I should have began the training much earlier in our marriage. It's not that he's not grateful, but rather is embarrassed to compliment the cook. Ironically, he loves to eat and eat well.

We have been having unseasonably cooler temperatures this week. It feels like winter came back with a vengeance and so I had planned to cook a big pot of chili to warm our insides. I was browning the ground meat and onions, when I received a phone call to pick up my ill daughter from rowing early. I had planned to use that time (30 min) to run to the grocery store for a can of tomatoes and to prepare the chili, as I had to leave to sing a concert by a specific time. I knew the chili could not happen, but what was I going to do with this meat?

I decided to throw some things together, willy nilly. I threw in some garlic, parsley, orzo, beef broth, Worcestershire sauce, mushrooms, peppers and wondered if it could possibly be edible. I had my son turn off the pot while I picked up my daughter. When I returned home, Mr. I eat nothing, claimed it was very tasty, despite the onions and mushrooms. I should have suspected a miracle at that moment, but I hadn't yet clued into what was to come.

I reheated my creation, added some cream and arrowroot powder as a thickener and prayed for the best. My family ate as I prepared for the concert and as I came into the kitchen, my husband said, "This recipe is a keeper. I really enjoyed this!" My daughter agreed wholeheartedly.

I seriously questioned whether or not this dish would be edible and my husband actually complimented it. Oh, the irony! So funny.

Tomorrow is an Easter brunch at church and then Easter dinner at my in laws house. Last year, I only ate fruit at the brunch, and this year will be a repeat. I plan not to indulge in any desserts for Easter lunch either. I will also so no to MIL's homemade rolls, which don't seem to make anyone else in that family fat! It's just not worth it - I've got to get where I am going. There will always be other Easters where I can moderately enjoy a piece of Easter Paska, but not this year.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Half Sizing

2011-04-19T21:45:00.002-04:00

Last Saturday I met with a friend whom I had not seen in ten years. She remarked that I was half the size of when she last saw me. That felt great.

At the bachelorette party, we ordered take out Chinese Food to enjoy. I watched a few of the very slim ladies in attendance as they served themselves. Watching slim people around food is fascinating to me. One woman literally took a tablespoon of rice and other dishes. There were other thinner ladies who loaded up their plates, but I was amazed that someone would take such a small portion.

When I first began losing weight, I intentionally cut all of my serving sizes in half. I think I was probably eating less than I am now, if I'm honest with myself. Tonight, I challenged myself to cut everything in half. I had half of a pork chop, half of a potato and even a half serving of asparagus and beans. It didn't seem like much, but it was enough. My daughter was happy to enjoy the other half of my dinner after a hard row on the Henley.

I have decided to be very intentional about half sizing everything I eat. It is such a simple way to cut calories and curb my appetite. I know I can't be half of my current size, but I am looking forward to seeing these final pounds go!

It's going to be a half sizing Spring for me, although we've had winter weather the last few days! GRRRR!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 228 - Just Do It!

2011-04-18T22:24:00.002-04:00

My running partner had suggested a run tonight if her plans for the evening finished early enough. I hadn't heard from her by 7:30 and I was exhausted, so I decided to enjoy a long, hot bath. As the water ran I thought, if I get in she will phone, if I don't she won't! Sure enough, as I relaxed to relieve the stress of today's events, the phone rang.

She suggested I get out of the bath, dry my hair, throw on a hat, and just do it! So, I did just that and I feel great. I was able to run 5.46 km without difficulty and I feel great! Running is such a stress reliever for me, allowing me to clear my mind and feel strong. I came home so stinky that I was able to enjoy another bath!

I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to run the entire distance because I've had so many days off in between runs, due to weather and life. I am hopeful that the cold, snowy, windy days are gone, although it snowed this afternoon! Now is the time to just do it - to increase my speed and endurance and decrease my stress from everyday living.

My eating was bang on! It's been a good day. I need a few weeks of days life this and I will see this extra weight melt away right to goal!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 224-227 - Lessons from Others

2011-04-17T22:01:00.004-04:00

My busy week is over and I enjoyed almost every minute of it, despite its demands. The wedding went off nicely and today's concert was described as extraordinary by our conductor. I am tired and desperately in need of a good week of clean eating, drinking copious amounts of water and getting back into a regular exercise routine. My running partner is away for a couple of weeks, but that gives me time to train without her and get my pace back to what it was.

This is not a very formal photo but it shows how I fit in my dress. I felt quite slim in my bridesmaid dress and didn't even mind the jewel right at my problem spot.

I hate playing catch up, with the scale number, with clothes fitting properly and with my exercise progress. If I don't have the courage to face the catch up, things will only get worse and I'll be obese again in no time.

I feel bloated and gross after this week of eating and my jeans feel tight. My beautiful, skinny jeans, which I was waiting to become baggy, actually feel tight. I can still wear them relatively comfortably and I know that a week of eating completely on track can make a difference in how they fit.

On Saturday I met a good friend for breakfast. I haven't seen this friend in about 12 years, and she looked amazing. Although she was never been obese, she does fight some bad genes in the weight department and lost 30 pounds a few years ago. It was interesting to hear how she maintains her weight loss. Her critical points were:

1. Keeping up with regular exercise.

2. Never letting herself go 3 pounds above her happy weight.

I love to listen to the advice of people who have done it - lost weight and maintained it. I don't know the secret yet, what works for me, but I am going to stick to it so I can be someone others learn from someday.

Eating less moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 221, 222, 223 - Making It...

2011-04-14T11:54:00.002-04:00

So much for a quick post everyday! I knew that this week would be crazy and I was right! But, it's not impossible and I have made sure to have healthy food with me for the meals I am providing. I have not been perfect, indulging in a small piece of cake and a small piece of white bread last night at the rehearsal dinner, but I'm not overeating either.

Tonight, I face a Chinese supper at the bachelorette party, fancy desserts, caramel corn and candy! I plan to only eat the vegetable dishes with the Chinese food and choose one dessert and not sample the dishes of candies.

I wish there was time to get out and run, as there is a bit of sunshine today. On Saturday, there will be time for such! It really is an exciting time, in as much as it's busy. My bride friend is 37 years old, marrying her first boyfriend, whom she met in May last year. She has waited and waited for Mr. Right, so this is quite the celebration!

No matter where we are in our journey, life happens. Life's major events are celebrated with food and we have to learn how to cope with that. Coping for me is eating without over indulging and not letting indulging in special foods on occasion affect my usual, everyday healthy choices. Some say that is impossible for the person who has struggled with obesity. I hope differently.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 220 - Accountability

2011-04-11T21:49:00.002-04:00

With the busyness and stresses of this week, I want to write a quick post each day to stay accountable. The potential for a stress eat is huge, and my goal is to avoid that situation in its entirety. I am pleased to report that I had a "perfect"eating day, drinking plenty of water, eating lean proteins with vegetables, fruits and some healthy fats. I was lower on the carb front today.

Exercise will not likely occur until Saturday as it's the reality of my week, but once Saturday afternoon rolls around, I will get on the canal path and run.

I had my bridesmaid dress fitting and I'm quite pleased with how my body looks in the dress. Am I perfect? Of course not! I have purchased myself some help for underneath the dress, which of course helps with that lovely loose skin! I like what they are referred to in England, "Magic Knickers". I will be sure to post photos of the last time I was a bridesmaid along side photos of Friday's event.

If I can get through the events of this week without blowing it, I can handle any eating situation. This week is a real test - of strength, of commitment and of motivation. My motivation has waned a bit with the difficulty of losing the last few pounds, but it's being revitalized and I couldn't be happier.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 218, 219 - Understanding

2011-04-10T22:18:00.002-04:00

There are many things I love about blogging but the understanding I receive is my most favourite. I can't tell you the times I have questioned my sanity, as I've struggled with overeating year after year. I have found the more honest I am, the more people relate and open up in return. That kind of understanding brings a comradery that I never experienced - not in a Weight Watchers meeting or even in the Church.

This week is going to be crazy with both a wedding rehearsal, two preconcert choir rehearsals, the wedding rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, wedding party breakfast, the wedding and reception, meeting an out of town friend for breakfast on Saturday, leading worship at church and then the concert.

My posts will likely be short and inconsistent, but I plan to eat consistently on plan, with the exception of the desserts reception. The wedding reception is a dessert feast, complete with a candy bar, ice cream bar, chocolate fountain station, cakes, tarts, squares station and I have suggested an insulin station! I will not go crazy, which isn't much of a sacrifice because I don't have a sweet tooth. Now, if this was a meat reception, that would be a different story!

I can eat moderately and in good health to the best of the options, without overdoing it. I have no intention of coming back here and telling you that I had an epic fail. I can face this week, with its commitments and stresses with God as my rock.

Bring it on. I will weigh in at the end of all the festivities, on the Tuesday, and my goal is to remain at 169.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 216, 217 - Epic Fail

2011-04-08T21:53:00.002-04:00

I borrow a term from my teenage boy's vocabulary - today was an epic fail.

The day started out fine in terms of eating, but ended in a binge of eating complete junk. I am looking for a deep reason to explain my eating, but I don't know if there is one. I simply blew it. I gave in to overeating junk.

My kids requested Mc Donalds in the evening - Cadbury Creme Egg Mc Flurries. I chose to eat a cheeseburger and a McFlurry - after supper! Bad move. I feel terrible - guilty, silly, gluttonous and ashamed.

I have been feeling overwhelmed with next week's commitments and challenges. All in one week, I am a bridesmaid in a wedding - including a rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, bachelorette party, ( to co-host and attend) host a wonderful friend, a concert rehearsal, a concert and leading worship at church. When I feel out of control in my life, I have often turned to eating to calm me down. It doesn't work. I know that and I have known that for years.

What caused me to give in to old behaviours today? If I had the answer, I'd make millions! None of us has the secret, do we? Well, Oprah thinks she does, but she continues to struggle with her weight, despite knowing "the secret".

I must come to terms with my failure, forgive myself and move on.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 215 - If You've Been Thinking About It....

2011-04-06T22:35:00.002-04:00

On more than one occasion, I have learned of someone who knows someone in my real life, who has been quietly following my journey. First, let me say thank you for taking the time and interest to follow my journey from obesity to health.

Something inside of me feels I am supposed to SHOUT OUT that if you have been reading, thinking about making a change in your life, but have been reluctant - NOW IS THE TIME! Just do it. Make a decision to stop eating out of any reason but physical hunger. Decide to cut your food intake down, to change from white flour products to whole grains, to start a manageable exercise program. Every journey starts with a decision and that initial step.

My first attempts at exercise were walking to the canal path, huffing and puffing, or working out to a beginner Leslie Sansone DVD. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined I would be regularly jogging.

We can think about it all we want, but eventually that decision has to be made. TO. JUST. DO. IT. So come on! I have made the decision to get to my healthy weight goal of 155 by summer. Come along side me and start your own journey - it's time. I don't know who this is for, but you've been on my heart and I am rooting for you. Let's do this.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 214- Birthday Surprises!

2011-04-05T21:23:00.002-04:00

Well, April 5th has come and almost gone and I'm another year older. The day held some surprises. After going hard, dieting and exercising for ten days, I weighed in 2 pounds heavier than my last official weigh in at 169. I had hoped to weigh in at 165, 10 pounds from my goal. Surprise. It was especially surprising because my smallest pants, which I chose to wear today, felt really good.

Just as surprising was the fact that this truly did not get me down. I am 10 pounds less than last year at this time, meaning that I have kept off a large amount of weight for a full year. I cannot not express the miracle that is. To have broken a destructive pattern of "lose a large amount of weight, stay there for 3 hours and start it gaining back", is a huge gift. It cannot be dampered by not reaching a number I set for myself.

Another surprise is how motivated I feel to work hard in April, to really "diet"away these last few pounds to goal. It's time. Luckily, no one in my household felt the urge to treat me to a birthday cake, so there is no left over cake to tempt me.

I feel overwhelmed when I recognize the gift in the timing of my journey. If I had things my way, those 100 pounds would have been gone within a year and I would have given God the glory. He chose a different path for me. He helped me lose enough weight in a relatively short amount of time, to be healthy and happy, but is allowing me to struggle to teach me about keeping it off.

I will fight for these last 13-15 pounds and oh, what a party there will be!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 212, 213 - Tomorrow's the Day

2011-04-04T19:55:00.002-04:00

Tomorrow is the end of my "Hard 10"challenge. I feel great! I haven't been perfect, as I indulged in a scoop of gelato at a wedding on Friday night and I have not exercised every day. I did exercise more frequently than I have since January and I was extremely strict with everything I put in my mouth, with the exception of the gelato indiscretion!

Ten days of being very strict has given me the motivation to carry on in this manner to goal - 155 pounds as set by my Doctor. She feels it will be difficult to maintain 149 and that 155 is perfectly within my range. It makes my blood boil that I was 158 before Christmas. Now, I struggle at about 11 pounds above that. When you've lost 80 pounds, 10 pounds doesn't seem like much, but I'm telling you, they are the hardest ten pounds I've ever faced!

Tami's comment on my last post was extremely helpful. She wrote -Dawne this was a very interesting post.

I recently gained 6 pounds, have lost 1 pound of it so far. Lord knows I am a slow loser so it will take me weeks to drop this last 5 pounds.

You are right everyone has their own cross to bare. Mine happens to be my weight. Dr Phil says that our weight is managed not cured. I know for me that is true.

I am surrounded by friends who can eat whatever they want and not gain weight, others who eat like that but do gain weight but aren't bothered by it and then there is me who can gain 5 pounds just by stepping outside my normal eating or not exercising enough.

The good part is that it is something that can be managed and dealt with. I like you have to remain diligent and yes indeed there is no finish line!

I remember when I was in my 20's and 30's and losing weight with Weight Watchers. I would listen to middle age woman complain how difficult it was to lose weight, even though they were doing everything the program required, and secretly think they were cheating if they weren't losing 3 pounds a week like I was! I truly believed that they were lying! I'd like to apologize to each and every one of them. They were right - it is difficult to lose weight in your forties.

Sharon is continuing the hard ten challenge idea and hosting an Aggressive April challenge. I'm in! I don't want to lose the momentum that my hard ten challenge has produced. It's going to take work to get to 155, but I am setting a goal to be there by July 1st. I have been disappointed by making number weight goals by certain dates in the past, but at the moment, making this specific goal is motivating.

I want to enjoy my summer at goal and see September 1, 2011, knowing that I lost all of my weight within two years. I am happy with my journey, truly satisfied I know that God has lead me and that my numbers/success have been in His time. He has answered my prayers to show me how to keep this weight off and it has taken patience, disappointment and frustration, but I am changed forever.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 211 - Hard Ten, Day Seven

2011-04-02T22:15:00.002-04:00

Ah, Day Seven of pulling a hard ten. It was a difficult day exercise wise. I ran with my two wonderful friends, who are faster than me and it was HARD to keep up. Even though we had sunshine and a temperature of plus 10 degrees, it was windy! My friends found it to be a difficult run too, but I endured, pulled hard and am feeling it now!

It is such a relief to see the sun shining again, to see the longer days of sunlight and know that it brings about more opportunity to get outside and exercise. I know that I cannot maintain this weight loss without regular exercise, never mind lose the remaining pounds that need to go.

Pulling my hard ten has inspired me to work hard, no matter what it takes, to get these last few pounds off and see 155. It's time. I worked really hard, lost quickly, then stalled, lost some more, but gained some back, catching myself in time before irreparable damage occurred. I know it has been the right journey for me, the journey that will bring me to goal in a way that I can maintain for a lifetime.

The last few days, I have come to realize that I may have to "feel" like I'm on a "diet" forever in order to maintain this loss. I have read blogs of successful losers, who are addicted to exercise and running, who see the scale go up and are discouraged. It has made me realize that I will likely be fighting this for life. As much as I long to be "normal", that may not a reality for me.

My 2010 running stats are this: (this is only the recorded km and calories, as I did not always wear my Sportsband, so the actual stats are higher) Also, I only received my Sportsband one year ago, for my birthday, and I was running before that time. It took almost a month for me to figure out how to use it properly.

445 kilometers run in 2010, burning 33,772 calories.

Looking at those numbers, knowing that they are lower than what they should be, makes me mad. I think I should be slimmer, faster for having burned those calories and worked that hard. But, life isn't fair!!!! Some people have to battle depression, cancer, divorce, poverty, hunger, injustice in the work place, sexual abuse, physical abuse. I have to battle a body that likes to hang on to the pounds. I can face the battle through Christ who strengthens me.

Hubby and little boy, well he's 13, but still my little boy, have both come down with IT. YUCK! My daughter will fight with everything in her not to catch IT and interfere with her precious on the water rowing season.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 210 - Award Day!

2011-04-01T22:01:00.005-04:00

A big thanks to Mama B for this lovely award! It's been a while since I've enjoyed an award from a fellow blogger and I appreciate the recognition very much. In keeping with the award "rules", I will tell you seven things about myself.

1. I attended an Italian wedding tonight after suffering with a stomach virus since last night. It was not tempting to overeat, even with all of the courses, because my tummy wasn't quite right. I did indulge in the tiny scoop of gelato. It wasn't keeping with hard core mentality. It was delicious and light. (pistachio) Here's a photo of me my size ten dress.

2. I always wanted to be a dentist, but I did not have the marks in Science or Math to make my dream a reality.

3. My son's school teacher left a message on our machine yesterday. My heart sank when I heard her introduce herself, thinking the worst! Instead, she phoned to tell me what a responsible, hard working young man he is and how his work ethic continues to impress her. What a great teacher to phone with encouragement. What a great son, although he's a cheeky monkey.

4. I sneeze at least ten times every time I drink milk. It has always affected me in this way.

5. I always wanted a dog when I was younger. My parents were away for the summer, and I bought a puppy. They were not impressed. I had no idea puppies were such work, and I only kept him one night! A co-worker took him in. Now, my children want a dog and I have never caved in.

6. I worry too much about money.

7. I can generally talk my way out of anything, although I didn't turn on my charm when I was recently ticketed for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign.

And, this award is being passed on, going out to....

Shane

Amy

Raegun

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.208-209 - More Hard Core Than Expected

2011-03-31T20:47:00.002-04:00

I have come down with the stomach flu. That requires going a little more hard core than I anticipated. It has been going around - through the school and some of the teachers.

It's my turn. I expect it will go right through our house. My daughter is going to be mad...she just started back rowing on the water.

I'll be back.

Yr.2, 206, 207 - Hungry, Hungry Hippo

2011-03-29T22:46:00.003-04:00

I know that I'm pulling a hard ten because I am hungry. I go to bed with an empty stomach because I am not eating anything after supper, even it is a healthy choice. I wake up completely famished, rising early because I need food!

Tomorrow, we are halfway there...halfway to ten days of going hard core! I have not eaten one morsel that would not be considered in a healthy diet and I have exercised 3/4 days.

I better be 165 on April 5th.

I have been feeling somewhat stressed, overwhelmed and fatigued with various commitments I am facing. It makes me very excited that I have been able to go hard core despite feeling this way. I would love a year of life where the only commitment I had was to care for my family. I thought I would have that when I moved to Bangladesh - ha! For some reason, I get busy and over committed wherever I go.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 205 - Remembering What I've Been Saved From

2011-03-27T21:23:00.002-04:00

Today was Day Two of Pulling a Hard Ten and I am thrilled to report two significant events. The physical achievement was that I ran 5.06 Km without stopping. I haven't been able to run the full distance the last few times, without taking a walking break, and it has broken my heart. To go from being almost addicted to running to having to talk myself into getting out there has scared me. I know that maintaining my weight loss requires regular exercise that I love. Well, I love it once again. There is no feeling like the high after a run. My legs are burning, I can still feel my lungs from having worked so hard and I know that I pulled hard! It does help that the sun was shining, and I didn't have to run in the dark.

The other significant occurrence was what I remembered as the result of a church service this morning. I attended a different church than my own, as my high school choir was singing at their morning service. The pastor spoke on grace and mercy and judgmental spirit of the Christian community. He said when we forget what we were forgiven for, saved from, that's when pride and judgement of others set in.

I remember being obese, unhappy, hopeless and completely convinced that I could not lose weight. The weight was not the root problem, the reasons I ate were the root problem. For me, it was sin. I was too proud to turn to God in my stress of everyday life and choose to overeat to feel comforted and in control. The irony was that I was more and more out of control.

I never want to forget what those days felt like. It felt like an impossible battle to wake up everyday claiming that this was the day I would get it together in the food department, only to be defeated by 3:00pm. Every time my tummy touched the steering wheel, I was reminded of what a failure I was. I loathed seeing photos of myself because they didn't lie like the mirror did.

I have been saved, by the grace of God, from a place that I never want to return. I don't want to lose the joy and gratefulness I have for my Father in heaven for saving me from that mess. It requires remembering and recognizing His mercy in my life.

Eating less, moving more, pulling a hard 10,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 204 - Hard Ten - Day One

2011-03-26T20:46:00.003-04:00

A huge thank you to Rae at Diminishing Returns for designing a badge for the "Pull a Hard 10"challenge. This challenge was the result of watching my daughter compete in the Ontario Erg Championships and observing the difference it made as she "pulled a hard ten",as instructed by her coach.

Day One of going hard went well, with no major challenges. The biggest challenge was talking myself into going outside to exercise. My running partner could not join me today, which makes running less appealing. I really enjoy her company. Although it was sunny, it was also quite cold today and I felt chilled all day. Finally, near the end of the afternoon, I made my way to the canal path, and ran/walked over 6km. I am sad that my running progress has been lost as my running slowed down over the cold, winter months. I ran regularly until December, but things waned after that. I seriously cannot run a mere 5K anymore. I take power walking breaks, but I know that progress is quick in running and I will recapture the distances I once enjoyed.

I decided to prepare my favourite meal to start off this challenge with a bang - a roast beef dinner. I purposely did not prepare Yorkshire Pudding, in order to eating something considered fattening, even if it's in moderation. Why? Because I'm not being moderate, but rather am pulling a hard 10! I prepared a variety of vegetables and enjoyed a moderate serving of the lean beef. It was satisfying.

My legs ache and I feel completely tired. I think that's how you are supposed to feel if you've pulled really hard!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 203 - We've Got Ourselves a Challenge!

2011-03-25T21:39:00.002-04:00

To my surprise and delight, more than once person wants to pull a hard ten! I wish you could hear the coach screaming those words at my daughter as she pulled that erg machine with all of her might.

For me, the challenge begins tomorrow. For ten days, I am going hard core. For me, that means no fooling around. No reasoning of moderation. For ten days, I am going to eat only what is healthy and in small portions, drink a lot of water and choose to exercise even if I don't feel like it. If I am invited out to dinner, I am going to say no. If there is a special event, I will eat before. This is not for every day, normal living - this is for a hard 10.

You don't have to follow my hard ten rules, but rather set your own. By starting tomorrow, the day after my hard 10 takes me to my 43 birthday, when I will weigh in...hopefully at 165, ten pounds from my new goal. If anyone feels so inclined to design a badge...I'd be thrilled. I am clueless as to how to go about that. I imagine a rower pulling hard on the badge.

I am excited that my running partner and general BFF these days, is joining me on the challenge. We share the same birthday and we are both bridesmaids in a wedding on April 15th. I am equally excited to have Kimberlynn, Amy, Shane and Raegun joining me. Anyone and everyone is welcome to come along for a hard 10! Since it's a short time frame, let's check in Day One, Day Five (the half way point) and Day 10, by leaving a comment.

If you have not met Amy, she is a real life friend, whom I met whilst living abroad. I am so proud of her for the courage she has had to embark on this journey. She is a new Mom to a total sweetie, an academic pursuing her Ph.D at a famous University and she's a lovely woman on top of all that. Please visit her!

For those interested in going hard core for a lot longer, check out Deb's site, as she's going hard for all of Spring.

I'm going to see what I can learn from my daughter's rowing...

Some exciting victories this week:

1. I bought size 8 pants for the summer. Never before has a small size lasted me two seasons.

2. I ran into a former student, whom I haven't seen in six years. She did not remember me until I told her who I was. She exclaimed, "You look so much better!" It was rather comical because it was actually rather rude, but a compliment all the same.

Eating less, moving more, going for a hard 10!

Dawne

Yr. 2, Days 201,202 Hard Ten

2011-03-24T21:11:00.002-04:00

I recently watched my daughter compete in the Ontario Erg Competitions. Rowing is quite a sport and it requires the full usage of one's energy at all times. I watched her pulling on the erg machine with all of her self - both physically and emotionally. She was working as hard as she thought possible, until her coach shouted at her, "Pull a hard 10!" For ten seconds, she pulled even harder than she believed possible and it made a huge difference to her final time.

I have been working hard - eating healthy foods in moderation and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. How much harder can I work? It's time for me to pull a hard ten. What does that mean to me? It means for 10 days, I'm going hard core. No fooling around, always choosing exercise over other things, always making the lightest choice in my food choices. A hard ten. If my hard ten goes well, I might go for a hard ten weeks and maybe even see my goal weight at the end!

Anyone else ready for a hard ten?

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 200 - To Snack or not to Snack

2011-03-22T21:09:00.002-04:00

For many of my diet years, I would feel guilty even considering a snack outside of meal times. In the past, if I started to snack, it would turn into more than a snack, more like a meal that could lead to a binge.

When I was 18, I joined a branch of Overeater's Anonymous, where eating outside of meal times was considered a drink to the alcoholic. I am unaware if this is still the teaching, but at that time it was and it worked for a time in my life.

When I began my journey in September 2009, I choose to have an afternoon snack, generally a piece of fruit. When I began following the principles of eating clean, I incorporated snacking into my daily eating routine in a more deliberate way - mixing a protein with a complex carbohydrate.

For me, planned snacks ward off hunger and get me through my potentially dangerous times. (3pm until supper time) Certain snacks fill me more than others. Although Tosca Reno of the Eat Clean Diet highly recommends a handful of raw almonds as a snack, they do not fill me up. My favourite snacks are Spelt Cakes (like rice cakes) with 1 tbsp of natural, organic peanut butter, 1 banana with some peanut butter and ground flax seed, 1/2 banana, 1/4 cup frozen blueberries, 1/2 cup greek yogurt...these satisfy me.

I never want to revert to the days of cold mac and cheese, crackers, cheese and olives, chips and dip, ice cream...NEVER! What snacks satisfy you and keep you from grazing or bingeing?

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 198,199 - Still in Maintenance Mode

2011-03-21T21:43:00.002-04:00

I am still in maintenance mode and loving it. Although I'd love to see that 155 on the scale at some point, and although my scale number does fluctuate occasionally (even up to 172), I am maintaining an 80 pound weight loss. What excites me, besides the fact that is a first in my life, is that I am relying less and less on the tools that got me here. Maybe that sends off warning bells to some people, but it's my ultimate goal. Ultimately, I long to live free from weight/diet obsession. From day one, I have longed to eat like a normal person. Some would argue that the formally obese cannot ever be normal - that they are like the alcoholic who can never drink again. I choose to believe differently. I believe in a God that can save me from that life and mindset of obesity and He has had me on a journey of healing.

I am at a different place from when I started this blog, obese and longing for change. I needed this blog September 2009. It's not that I don't need this outlet to write anymore, but it isn't my lifeline anymore. I think that this is a normal stage/step in the process. When I look at people like Tricia, Shelley, or Sean, they have written less and less as they have reached their goals. They have embraced living normally and written when it feels right.

I'm in a good place. It feels good not to think about my blog continually, as I used to. It feels good to eat for my health and not because I think I need to report it to the world on the world wide web, although I did not keep a regular food journal at any point in my journey.

Spring is coming, although there is snow predicted for Wednesday and my running partner is anxious to get back into our regular routine of running every other day. I may not be 100 pounds down, but I am in a good place...and loving it.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, 196, 197 - The Power of Words

2011-03-19T19:42:00.002-04:00

Words are powerful combinations of vowels and consonants. They hold the power to hurt, heal, encourage and kill one's spirit. The last two days, words have encouraged me!

While at the pharmacy yesterday, the pharmacy assistant said, "Look at how skinny you are!" Then, she asked me how I got past the difficult part of running as she is trying, but finds the huffing and puffing too much for her. To think that a thin woman is asking me any athletic advice is laughable really, but it felt so good!

Today, my son's friend's Mom came over to pick up her son and made the comment, "Wow, you have stayed skinny all winter! Way to go!" People are used to me gaining my weight back, not maintaining it. It was such a compliment and it helps me grasp the scope of my accomplishment. It's so easy to focus on the 11 pounds I have regained, or to focus on not reaching my goal yet, but then I realize that I am breaking a pattern here, and it is a much bigger accomplishment than reaching goal for a moment in time.

I've had three good days of consistent exercise - a run/walk combination, a 10K bike ride that had me huffing and puffing and a power walk. I am planning to change up my exercise more often this Spring/Summer instead of focusing primarily on running.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 194, 195 - Refocus

2011-03-17T19:57:00.002-04:00

When the weather became icy, my regular outdoor running ceased. I did run frequently until December, but in January and February, it was quite hit and miss, usually due to the weather conditions. I did run, but once a week if I was lucky. I do not have a treadmill at home, nor did I care to join a gym. I did my jogging/strength training DVD's a few times, but not enough to keep up the fitness level that outdoor running had awarded me.

The weather has warmed up significantly, and more importantly, the roads and paths are ice free. I have run three times this week, all with limited success. I am sad that I have trouble finishing a 5K run. The issue that causes me to stop and power walk for a while, is not a cardio issue, but rather pain in my ankles and shins. Power walking part of the distance is not the end of the world, but is a step back in my mind.

I remember shin pain from when I first embraced running and I know with continued commitment and focus on the exercise, it will diminish. I have always maintained that one thing I love about outdoor running is the progress one can make in a short amount of time. I know that by keeping at it, refocusing on regular running sessions, that 5K distance will seem easy and short in no time.

Generally, when I refocus on one area of my life, other areas of my life are affected. I look forward to seeing where else I refocus...

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 193 - Campus Weight Observations

2011-03-15T21:22:00.002-04:00

After a day at one of Canada's leading Universities, I have come to the conclusion that my daughter's generation is extremely weight/fitness minded. In a world where obesity is prevalent, I saw very little evidence of such on campus.

My first observation, was that the student tour guides discussed food and meal plan options at the University residences more than any other topic, which I found amusing. The food availability seemed more important than any other issue on campus. Then, I remember that we do need to eat to live, and we generally need to eat three times a day, so maybe it is more important than I've been convincing myself of.

When it came time to eat lunch on campus, my daughter was so impressed with how many "fresh"options there were available, in comparison to another University we have visited where most options are eating restaurant style food for each meal. The University we visited today, Queen's, has a cafeteria style system, with many healthy options. I loved the way my daughter instantly looked for fresh, whole foods and was not interested in fast food areas.

I also observed a University full of fitness buffs! There were people outside enjoying the beautiful sunshine, running throughout the stunning grounds. Every single area of the Athletic Center was filled with students exercising - cardio, stretching, weight lifting. Frankly, the smell was almost unbearable, but it was so great to see so many realizing the importance of fitness in their lives.

Despite these amazing observations, I did find it ironic that the medical center we toured served donuts and cookies as the refreshments!

Tomorrow we are off to Toronto for a day of shopping, which means more eating on the road. I brought some fruit for today and will bring some healthy snacks and water bottles for our trip tomorrow, but eating on the road is never completely successful for me.

Blue - I found you!!!! Thanks for your comment. I thought I had lost you forever. I have signed on to follow your site and am thrilled to have found you.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 191, 192 - On the Road

2011-03-14T22:04:00.002-04:00

My daughter and I took a road trip east today to attend Queen's University Open House tomorrow. We are bunking in a lovely hotel room, where she is already fast asleep! She's a real party animal - it's only 10:00 pm!

I took Shane's advice yesterday, and just went out there and ran. My running partner is away for March Break, and our other friend who sometimes joins us was also unavailable, but I forced myself to get out there. There were many people out, enjoying the snow free path. It was a difficult run - I had to take breaks and walk, and I only went 5K! It feels like relosing weight...regaining distance and speed. But, I know that it will come as I am able to run outside more with the nicer weather.

I chose a healthy option at supper tonight and I have brought fruit for snacks during the day tomorrow at the Open House. I will miss my Greek yogurt at breakfast and for snack! I remember taking my daughter for her Junior Kindergarten Open House like it was yesterday, and now we're at a University! Wow - time has flown, but she's still my precious, little girl.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 190 - Caught Red Handed

2011-03-12T20:01:00.002-05:00

When I got up this morning, I was greeted by my 13 year old son's comments, "Mom, when you started your diet, or should I say lifestyle change, you said that sleeping until 10:00am was a thing of that past - that it only leads to weight gain." Guilty as charged. I did say that, I believe that for my life, but it's March Break and I wanted to sleep in! That being said, sleeping until all hours was a terrible habit for me and one that I was able to break with losing weight. I must be careful not to let old habits creep back, and with my 13 year old around, I should have constant reminders.

I am ashamed to say that it was warm enough to run today, and I couldn't talk myself into going out there. I don't know what kept me back. I know full well that running outside makes me happy and healthy, but I couldn't motivate myself to get out there today. I am really struggling with my drive to exercise!

While driving home, after getting groceries, I was shocked to see how fast a police car pulled into a parking lot close to my home. I thought, who holds the police officers accountable for their actions. I checked to see that I wasn't speeding - nope, I am usually a slow poke. Imagine my surprise, when I pulled into my driveway to notice a police car, with his lights on, behind me in my driveway!!! Did he hear my thoughts?

Apparently I did not come to a complete stop at the stop sign. I had seen someone else pulled over on our street today, so the traffic control is our area, trying to make their quotas for traffic offences. I was so shocked to receive a ticket of $110.00 for not stopping long enough at a stop sign. I've tried not to let it damper my day!

Well, I refuse to be caught red handed by eating unhealthy food. My daughter asked me to purchase chips and dip for her tonight and I keep looking at them. I do love some Ruffles and dip. But, I feel horrible after eating them and there is nothing good about them, with the exception of the initial taste of course! I was feeling hungry this evening, so I had my treat of Greek yogurt and frozen berries and I will not let those chips and dip affect me.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 188, 189 - ABC's

2011-03-11T19:28:00.002-05:00

I've enjoyed reading through these on other blogs, so I decided it would make for a quick, easy post.

Age: 42
Bed Size: Queen
Chore You Hate: Unloading the dishwasher, putting away laundry
Dogs: Owned one for one night
Essential Start of Your Day: Greek Yogurt, with frozen blueberries and a sprinkle of granola
Favorite Color: Lime green
Gold or Silver: both
Height: 5 foot 5 - I grew after losing 80 pounds
Instruments I Play: Piano, singer, used to play flute, E Flat Alto horn and violin
Job Title: Music Teacher
Kids: 2
Live: Niagara, Ontario
Mom's Name: Ethel, which is also my second middle name, and my Great Grandmother's name
Nicknames: Tishi (from Dad), Moomachums (from kids)
Overnight Hospital Stays: only to have babies
Pet Peeve: People who drag their feet, or people who sniff and refuse to blow their nose
Quote From a Movie:
Right or Left Handed: right
Siblings: 2 brothers, 1 sister
Time You Wake Up: 7:30
Underwear: cotton
Veggie You Dislike: Green bell peppers
What Makes You Run Late: Sleeping an extra 15 minutes
X-Rays You Have Had: teeth, shoulder, chest, femur bone
Yummy Food You Make: Roast beef dinner with yorkshire pudding
Zoo Animal You Like Best: Otters - they have such personality!

Yr.2, Day 187 - Okay Place to Be

2011-03-09T22:24:00.002-05:00

It's unbelievable to me how many times a reader, often one I have never met face to face, can say exactly the right thing to put things into perspective for me. At the beginning of my journey, I met Jen and knew she was a kindred spirit. She introduced, blog style of course, to her sister in law, Ruth Anne and I can honestly say that I adore these ladies. I feel like if we got together, we would simply gab like we'd known each other for years.

Well, Ruth Anne, the Skinny Turtle, gave me a picture to hold onto. Thanks Ruth Anne. After reading this comment, I realized that this is an okay place to be.

Today I was looking out my kitchen window, and it was quite stormy/windy. I saw a little bird frantically flying into the wind. It was furiously flapping his little wings and going...nowhere.

But as soon as he stopped flapping, do you know what happened? He was violently blown backwards!!

So even though it *looked* like absolutely nothing was happening, despite all his frantic flapping and hard work, he really was doing something! He was keeping himself from being blown away!

I think that's where we're at right now. Working, struggling, fighting to stay where we are and not get blown away, back into obesity.

So keep at it, chickie! We're in this together, and we'll finish this course!

Yr. 2, Day 185, 186 - What the Scale is Doing

2011-03-08T20:53:00.003-05:00

Nothing. The scale fluctuates occasionally - 167, 169, 170 and does nothing else.

It takes a lot of work and determination to simply maintain this weight. A lot of work.

It's worth it. I refuse to let the lack of downward movement get me down. I remember life at 249 pounds. I remember my stomach touching the steering wheel while I drove. I remember not fitting into an airplane seat. I remember the difficultly I felt in walking up the stairs, in bending over to put on my shoes.

If all this work leaves me maintaining at this weight, then so be it. So be it.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 183,184 - What's Different This Time

2011-03-06T20:43:00.003-05:00

I have made at least four attempts in my adult life to lose a large amount of weight and keep it off. I have never been successful in keeping it off as long as I have this time around. This time is different...

1. I did not follow and exact plan that I can go on and off of. Admittedly, anyone can start eating healthily and then go back to old habits, but it seems to be more of a lifestyle change than an actual diet plan.

2. I found an exercise I truly enjoy. My outdoor running has suffered with the snow and the ice, but those long days of winter are soon over. I have never enjoyed exercise in my life until now. It has always been a chore to endure and therefore, I was never successful at long term fitness. I have discovered the emotional benefits of regular exercise and I can never go back.

3. I have discovered healthy foods that I can't live without. I used to think I could never live without bagels and cream cheese. Now, I can't live without a multi grain, flax seed wrap, spread with some hummus and filled with roasted turkey, spinach and avocado. I can't live without Greek yogurt, banana, frozen blueberries and sugar free granola.

4. I have come to understand that I possess the skills to feel the pain of life, to handle the stress of things that are out of my control, without needing food fill the pain.

5. I have come to understand that my habitual overeating is directly related to my faith and my relationship with God.

6. I believe in myself. I believe that I have the strength, in Christ, to change forever. I have the motivation to help others see that there is hope. Obesity does not have to be a life sentence.

This time, it's different....

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 180,181 - Spring is Coming!

2011-03-04T20:07:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, a sweet, tiny, grade three student told me, in her most grown up voice, that she was fed up with winter and she needed her Spring to come. It made me laugh out loud. She articulated my exact feelings. I am finished with winter, as much as I enjoy that first fire, the first winter oven roasted meal, the first snow fall and the Christmas season - I am done.

Since living life in a sub tropical climate for over three years, being in the cold has lost all its appeal. I am desperate for warmer temperatures for my outdoor exercise and I need the sun to shine for my emotional well being.

Spring is coming early, according to that little groundhog, and he better be correct! Our March break is just around the corner - only another four days of work. I am going to make it.

I've been feeling like I need a treat to get me through these last days of winter. I am looking forward to a physical change, in lightening my hair from the dark colour I embraced this season, but I am waiting for March break for that. I didn't want to treat myself to clothing until I am at my goal weight, because when I hit 155, I am getting an incredible wardrobe! Obviously food treats were out of the question, because I am looking forward to reaching 155. So, instead, I used some gift cards from Christmas time and bought myself 3 new novels - "Still Alice", "Sarah's Key" and "Sing You Home". It's not exactly an active treat, but I am looking forward to enjoying some me time.

Food was breakfast - 1 banana, 1/4 cup frozen berries, Greek Yogurt with a sprinkle of no sugar granola, lunch - 1 Spelt flour English Muffin, spinach and mushrooms, 2 poached eggs, Supper - 1 grilled burger from a fast food joint with loads of veggie toppings, 2 clementine oranges when I arrived home.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 178, 179 - Kids Say the Darndest Things

2011-03-02T22:40:00.003-05:00

Today, an rather eccentric piano student blurted out that he can tell how tired someone is by the bags under their eyes. I asked him what on earth possessed him to share that tid bit of information with me in between scale passages, and he said he thought of it when he saw my bags!!!!! I get nine hours of sleep most nights. The good news is, the comment was completely unrelated to my weight! That kid was assigned some very difficult keys for homework this week! :)

I cannot express how overwhelmed and blessed I felt with your responses to my recent goal change decision. I shed a few tears reading more than one comment. Your support is incredible and it is what drives me to continue blogging. My story isn't over. I haven't reached goal and I haven't discovered the secret to maintaining a large weight loss. There is a key element I have missed in past attempts, and I long to understand and articulate exactly what that missing element is.

My eating day was easy and moderate, with the exception of a few (6 in total) Cadbury, mini popping Easter eggs that my Dad brought home for the kids. My poor daughter was overcome by temptation and ate her entire bag in one sitting. She is in a weight class category sport and has a major weigh in and competition on Sunday. Yikes!

I loved feeling excited about the treats I purchased at the grocery store today. My new brand of Greek Yogurt - PC, with some frozen, organic, wild blueberries and some sugar and salt free granola. This treat has replaced ice cream for me!

Life feels good. The sun was shining today and I feel a hope I haven't felt in some time. I feel hope that my goal is near and that I am going to accomplish some longer distances in my running life this Spring.

Eating less, moving more and apparently needing more sleep,
Dawne

Yr.2, Day 176, 177 - Change of Goals

2011-02-28T21:59:00.002-05:00

I have come to a decision to change my goal weight. I have not weighed in the 140's since my wedding day and my very fit, thin, albeit much taller, daughter weighs in the mid-140's. My previous physician believed my weight to be reasonable at 160 pounds and my current physician firmly believes that 155 is perfect for my height and build.

I can't seem to reach 149 - physically or mentally. I know I won't be able to maintain 149. I have weighed 155 pounds in my adult life and have felt great, although I was unable to maintain that weight. This time is different. I have been able to maintain a weight in the 160's for quite some time, and I know that 155 is attainable and maintainable.

I officially release myself from having to lose 100 pounds exactly in order to view my weight loss as successful. My goal is to lose and maintain a weight loss of 94 pounds. That feels so attainable. So less than perfect, which is exactly what I need.

I realize that for some of you 155 is your starting weight, and you are aiming for 120. I can't even imagine striving for that weight with my body's build. At 155 pounds, I will easily wear a size 8, and even sometimes a size 6. I feel extremely good about this decision.

The best part of changing my goal weight, is that it avoids the all or nothing mentality. It's not 149 or 249. It's somewhere in between, living a life of health and moderation.

My excitement about letting go of 149, which was seeming less and less attainable, put me in the spirit for a great run tonight. My lungs and legs burned and it feels great!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 175 - Got it Right Tonight!

2011-02-26T23:14:00.002-05:00

I was determined not to have to write about blowing it again, due to another pizza night and so I attended a trivia night tonight prepared! I knew there would be junk food snacks and pizza, but I indulged last night, and to be quite honest, I wasn't even the least bit tempted by the pizza and junk!

One reason I wasn't tempted, was that I ate a good, satisfying, healthy meal before the event. I made sure I ate foods that I really enjoyed and were filling - a multi grain flax bagel, spread with hummus and topped with roasted chicken and spinach, 1/2 cup Greek yogurt with wild blueberries and a sprinkle of clean granola.

Now, I wasn't perfect. I did slip 2 tiny gummy bears into my mouth, and they were perfect. I chose my two favourite colours - the green and red, and they happened to be slightly stale, just the way I like them. I also snagged a 1/4 of a pepperoni stick with 2 tiny black olives off of my friend Donna's table.

Tomorrow is another challenge - yes, that's right - three in a row! My parents, brother and family and my in laws are all going to celebrate my new teenager's birthday tomorrow. My son's favourite food is ribs, so we are going to Tony Roma's for supper. I commit, right here and now, to sharing an order with my daughter and not eating an entire plate. The birthday cake I am preparing is quite low cal, and Angel Food Cake with strawberries, but I will only enjoy a bite. There is no need for me to consume an entire piece.

I was so excited to learn that President's Choice products in Canada is now producing a 0% fat Greek Yogurt! I had to beg our grocery store to stock Greek Yogurt and they ordered Liberty brand. They have trouble keeping it in stock! The PC brand is significantly cheaper, which is helpful, as I was paying $15.00 a week for the white gold! American readers, we do not have the same selection that you enjoy, and certainly do not have the Fage Yogurt that you rave about. Thank you, Mr. President!

When is it going to stop snowing so I can get outside and run again?

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 172-174 - Birthday Party Bomb!

2011-02-25T21:31:00.002-05:00

I have been doing very well these past few days, eating well and not at all desiring to eat unhealthily or overeat. I also have managed to get in a couple of exercise dates with Lesley Sansone and the Muscle Strength Jog DVD, which had me sweating and gasping for breath. After one work out with the weights, I always feel my arm muscles look bigger! Maybe I am just imagining that!

Today was one CRAZY day emotionally! There was a snow storm which climaxed just as I had to leave for my 35 minutes commute to the high school. I was extremely anxious about driving in the snow, due to my recent accident, not to mention two friends who have had accidents this past week. I have to drive up the Niagara escarpment to reach my destination, and it is quite an incline. Of course, I got stuck half way up the hill. At one point, I realized my only option was to inch down in reverse and pray that I didn't face any traffic.

Once I finally arrived at school, 10 minutes late for choir rehearsal, the school secretary informed me that my husband had phoned wanting me to return his call. (I had left my cell at home) He never phones me, ever. However, because I was in a panic about being late, I did not return his call, so I was interrupted during rehearsal to return his call. It was then I learned that my son's school had phoned my husband to let us know that our little guy hadn't arrived to school that morning. My husband was inquiring whether our son was home ill, because no one was answering the phone. You can't imagine my panic. Fear shuttered through my body, my hands shaking as I phoned the school, only to reach a student secretary. I told her that she needed to find an adult for me to speak to and finally it was discovered that the school had made a mistake!!!!

Despite the stress of the day, I did not allow myself to think of eating for comfort. It's exactly this kind of stress, uncontrollable problems that arise in daily life, that have set me off in the past. I ate well and in good control...until the birthday party!

It was our not so little guy's 13th birthday party today, and had I time, I would have prepared myself a salad to take to the event. Instead, I indulged in the pizza and a piece of chocolate cake. I did not binge. I ate what a normal, thin person would have eaten given the same situation, but I am trying to lose more weight. To be quite honest, I'm not even that upset or worried

about bombing at the birthday party because it felt more "normal"than bringing an entire extra meal and eating differently than everyone else at the event. Does that make sense?

And so I carry on in this thing called life, which presents eating challenges every so often! The fact that my life's challenges involve having too much eat really makes you consider the justice of life. So many have nothing to eat. I've lived next door to people literally boiling leaves on the side of the road, over a fire, to try and meet their physical needs, and I struggle with eating having too many choices at a birthday party!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr, 2, Day 171 - Still Paranoid

2011-02-22T22:14:00.004-05:00

As I entered her classroom, one of my piano students called out to me, "Hey, are you the new piano teacher? You look really different!" My immediate response was an alarmed, "Fatter?" What a horrible response to a child in grade two! What must she have thought? She shook her head and said, "No, you look so young, especially around your eyes!" I have been using some new eye cream, but surely it can't be making that kind of difference!?!

I am rather ashamed that I jumped to the weight conclusion and didn't filter the thought before it came out of my mouth. Paranoid. One would think that after a year and 171 days, I would have a better grasp of who I am, apart from my weight. It is amazing how many people describe others by their weight however. Just last week, I was talking to someone who described a sister as "the bigger of the two."

With our world, advertising, television and fashion magazines describing others and judging others by their size, no wonder so many of us associate who were are with our weight. Yet, how many obese people truly are skinny on the inside, screaming to get out of that body they are trapped in? That is how I felt for years. My inner self was not obese and carried great shame as a result of struggling with food.

My intellect knows that weight cannot define me. My heart, emotions and spirit need time to catch up. I speak the truth out loud everyday, throwing off the old self and embracing the new self. Some days, the old mind wins.

Hopefully my young student will not give my flippant comment another thought! I don't want to be that kind of example to my students.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 170 - I Couldn't Have Said it Better....

2011-02-21T21:23:00.002-05:00

It never ceases to amaze me how people I have never met face to face can be such good, faithful, kind and caring friends. A former blogging friend, who continues the journey without a blog, sent me the kindest message today. She beautifully articulated exactly the stage I find myself at - it was like she read my mind and articulated what I couldn't.

I am living through a step on this journey to health,that I have never lived through before. I always started to gain weight before holding on through this stage. I always lost weight quickly, like a super star, only to gain it back because I couldn't understand or endure this stage in the journey. This time, MY TIME, I was given the gift of a long weight plateau. I have never maintained this kind of weight loss for this amount of time. I'm at the stage where I either hold on, be strong and fight to the finish, or I start to ease up, gain weight, and see 200 pounds in the blink of an eye. I choose to fight. I choose to hold on. I'm fighting this bloggers!!!!! This is MY TIME!

Thank you so much my friend!!! You have made my day and made me realize it is possible.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Hi Dawne ! I still continue to read and LOVE your blog.. I still express myself on my PEERtrainer page and I wanted to share this last entry with you because it is related to the subject you have been writing about. I talk about my PT friends.. but that also includes my other blogger friends who are living the lifestyle! Have a great day... here it is:

170.4 I'm finally moving in the right direction again. A 3.4 lbs loss from last week. I really feel it! It's not so much that I feel 3 lbs its more that I dont have that stuffed bloated feeling that I've come to believe was normal. I fell lighter and emptier.

I feel refreshed and ready to really make a new start and finally get rid of these bad habits that crept back up ...slowly..... totally sneaking up on me.

I've had a breakthrough. When I lost the bulk of my weight - that 70 lbs ... I felt absolutely euphoric. It's an unreal experience and hard to put into words how you feel once you were fat and then finally you lose weight and can actually MOVE your body in all ways you never felt before, and wear cute clothes and get all those compliments... you feel ON TOP OF THE WORLD and it spills over into every area of your life. I knew I felt better back then but I didn't remember exactly HOW I felt. I gave myself a huge gift when I logged every bite and wrote about my feelings in my PT log. I've often gone back to look at beginning logs but I never went back to look through them all. Last week I went to look at my old logs. I went to where I weigh what I do now and wanted to see how I got those last 20 lbs off. SO I started on Halloween 2007. I did this because basically I wanted to see what I ate during this time because I felt SO out of ideas and I felt like I couldn't remember how I lived my life to lose all that weight. But what I found was soooo much more. I read about how I felt at that time. It was amazing.. I felt so incredible and reading my own words at during that time of my journey gave me the boost that I needed to get back there. But this time I am going back with more experience. Because I know that that same euphoria you feel starts to fade... You still feel awesome but you get comfortable being thin. The compliments become fewer because people are used to the change - only the occasional person who hasn't seen you in a long time will comment... and this is where things start slowly falling apart. You start to become more lax and think - hey I'm think already what can a night out with pizza and beer affect me... and it really is ok to do that every so often but its starts to become more and more and you start to slowly gain and with that come those all too familiar negative feelings about yourself. This makes you feel bad which in turn makes you want to eat more. That vicious circle once again. It starts spiraling out of control and before you know it.. you are back to square one.

I never got back to square one... and that is because I continued on with PT and kept up with exercise challenges because of the support system I have created. I have absolutely no doubt that without this support system, I would have quit running and I would now be right back in the 200's. I have no doubt about this. I know this because that is what happened to me so many times before.

But I hung on... I made so many friends and feel so connected to that other lifestyle that I want ever so badly, that I never let go completely. And this is my foundation and this is what will take me back to that beautiful place where I felt so AT PEACE with myself. If I had to sum up the feelings I read about back then it has to be PEACE. I felt so serene and at peace with myself because I was in control and I knew I had this. I knew people had my back and I had all the confidence in the world that I would NEVER go back to gluttony. And being sedentary. NEVER. I did fall back into the bad habits again but my net has caught me and I am climbing back out.

Thanks to all of you guys on my teams and groups who lift my spirits every day and remind me of where I want to be.

i am now ready to move forward. I want this. And I have NO doubts that I can get back there... even stronger.. now with the ability to run long distances. Something I did NOT have before - even at goal and beyon

Yr.2, Day 169 - Change Needed

2011-02-20T23:04:00.002-05:00

Thank you to all who commented on my last post. The comments reminded me of the thrill of blogging; seeing things from a different perspective and support from those who understand. Welcome to Kate! I am so excited that you found me via More magazine!

We spent today with my husband's family, in celebration of "Family Weekend" here in Canada. His brother and family, his wife my good friend, are moving to North Carolina for his work and I found myself envious of the change they are facing. I grew up moving almost every three to four years, due to my parent's career. After extensive psychological testing to move abroad, I discovered that my personality thrives on change and new situations.

I can't imagine any immediate change in our careers or living situation, so I am going to have to settle for a new hair colour! The joy of going gray is that I can enjoy different hair colours. In fall, I went from brown with blonde highlights to quite a dark, brunette colour. I'm hoping this change will help me out of my current funk, not helped by the snow storm falling outside as I write.

I will not let my feeling of being blogged out affect my progress. I will continue to fight through the not so easy days and make it to my healthy weight. I am almost there and I can get there.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Days 164-167 - Lost that Blogging Feeling

2011-02-19T22:15:00.002-05:00

I've lost that blogging feeling, o - oh that blogging feeling. I've lost that blogging feeling and it's gone, gone, gone, oh oh oh yeah...

I am experiencing a weird February. To my knowledge, I have never experienced depression in my life, and I certainly do not think I am clinically depressed, but I have been quite down this month. I feel oddly sad, and cannot formulate in my mind why I feel this way. I do believe a major part of my mental state is having gone from wonderful, dusk runs 4-5 nights a week, to once a week, due to the ice/snow. This past week, we were given a teaser from Mr. Spring and running in the sunlight lifted my spirits. Imagine my disappointment to wake up to blowing snow this morning.

I have been feeling somewhat detached from blog world, as writers come and go. I miss certain bloggers, whom I began my journey with but no longer write.

Despite all of the above, I am determined to lose as much weight as possible by my birthday - April 5th. I continue to strive for good, healthy choices, eating in moderation and only eating to satisfy physical hunger and not the many reasons I used to eat.

I miss "needing" my blog in order to make it through a day. Perhaps, I am experiencing the pain of change in this journey. I have often made reference to the similarities of losing weight and keeping it off to cross cultural change. I am in an odd place in my journey. I feel like I have lost the initial excitement of hope and change. I am losing the regular compliments as people now know me at this size. I realized this week, that some of my new students have never known me overweight. This disturbed me for some reason.

I am trying to figure it out and articulate it. I am praying about my feelings. I love feeling the pain and sadness instead of eating those feelings to a numb state. God heals and meets emotional needs, far better than a late night serving of mac and cheese.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 162, 163 - Paranoid

2011-02-15T21:12:00.002-05:00

One aspect of Bangladeshi culture is to laugh at others outright. When we lived in Bangladesh, I found this a difficult aspect of their culture to handle. When others pointed at me and laughed, I always assumed it was because I was heavy. An American colleague, married to a Bangladeshi, told me that I was paranoid, and what I interpreted as ridicule about my weight was not likely the case. I will never know for sure.

Today, a colleague addressed me by Mrs. _______, mistaking my last name with another colleague, who is quite heavy. She is the size I used to be, 80 pounds ago. I've been struggling all day, wondering if he mistakenly called me her name because he thinks we're the same size. I cannot look like that. I know that I wear size 10 petite pants, and yet his mistake has me convinced I look like I wear a size 20.

There are other reasons he could have mixed us up - we share the first name and our last names start with the same letter. She is a lovely looking lady, so I should be pleased he mixed us up. It was likely just a simple mistake, but I've allowed it to upset me all day.

It doesn't help that I forgot to do my official weigh in this morning, due to pure busyness. I have decided to make my official weigh in Friday - instead of my sneak peek. I can tell by my face that the sodium gain of eating on the road for four days has left me. I have eaten well, drank plenty of water, and I am feeling much better. My pants fastened easily this morning and I have not gained 80 pounds, despite what my mind tells me.

This losing weight and maintaining it business is quite the mind game! I know the answer to stay on track - renew my mind daily in the truths of God and live my new life in Him.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 159,160,161 - I Survived!

2011-02-13T20:18:00.002-05:00

I have arrived home from a four day choir tour, with 47 high school students, and I not only survived, but quite enjoyed my time with these fabulous young people. I am completely exhausted and feel like I need a weekend to recover, but life carries on tomorrow morning.

Food wise, I haven't done the best, making some wild choices at a few restaurants. May I just say it is very difficult to order a salad, or fish and vegetables when others around you are ordering the pub platter to share with the table!?! For the most part, I did my best to resist multiple offers of candy and chips, but I did eat things that are off my usual eating plan. It is not easy to be on the road and eat clean, that is for sure.

As I write, I feel bloated and like I have eaten too much. But, guess what? I have discovered the remedy for feeling as such! What you don't do, is continue eating that way because you have blown it anyway! No! Instead, you get right back to healthy choices in moderate portions, drink a ton of water to wash away the restaurant foods sodium and get right back into exercising. That's what skinny folk do, so I am learning.

I did enjoy a fabulous couple of hours exercise on Saturday, skating on the Rideau Canal, a World Heritage Site. My leg muscles feel sore in different places than they do from running or strength training. In fact, my legs burn, but it is a healthy burn.

I am looking forward to my Greek Yogurt tomorrow morning, enjoyed in the peace and quiet of my home! It was fun, I survived, but there is no place like home!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Yr.2, Day 157, 158 Checking In On Tour

2011-02-10T23:11:00.002-05:00

It's day one of tour, and after three performances in various parts of Ontario, lunch and supper, swim time and a meeting with 47 high school students, I am wiped. The day started at 4:50 am and I am looking forward to my head hitting the pillow in a few minutes. Somehow I was relieved of hall duty tonight in the hotel!

Thus far, I have resisted - four offers of candy, three offers of soda pop, 2 offers of cupcakes, 1 offer of yogurt covered pretzels. I enjoyed Greek Yogurt and fruit for breakfast at home, an orange for a snack, 1/2 whole wheat sub for lunch, 1 apple, 3 triscut crackers and a 1/2 piece of cheese for snack, and a chicken dinner for supper.

I can tell that the theme of this tour will be, "No thank you, I don't eat sugar". I should write a little jingle for my tag line. I cannot believe how much food skinny teenagers can consume! It is unbelievable how much junk these students eat.

I'm hoping for a successful day tomorrow - musically and food wise.

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Yr.2, Day 156 - Weigh In

2011-02-08T21:37:00.002-05:00

There is something comforting about resuming my weekly Tuesday weigh ins. It's like coming home. Today, I weighed in at 167, for a reloss of 2 pounds. Those who have followed my blog will know that 167 was a weight I was thrilled to reach, but shocked to plateau at for months. I ate less and less, ran more and more, and my weight would not budge past 167! Finally, I saw the scale move into the 150''s, so it is a bit maddening to have to relose this weight. I am hoping that the scale will keep moving down, not stopping at 167 for long!

I have felt a bit of anxiety regarding my upcoming high school choir trip. Initially I was anxious about the readiness of the choir, but I am confident that they will rise to the occasion. The timing of the tour is somewhat difficult because of missing rehearsals for the recent end of term exams. We had great attendance to an extra rehearsal, which showed great commitment from the 50 choir members! Can you believe I am taking 50 teenagers on a tour???

Some of the anxiety has to do with getting my family ready - meals prepared, clothes organized, etc. My husband is taking a couple of days holiday to cart the children around to their various event, and I trust that the household can run without me, but I'm a Mom...I worry. The other aspect is eating on tour. Most of the meals will be eaten at restaurants, or provided by hotels. I will have to very careful. I plan to lose weight this week. I must lose in order to meet my goal!

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Yr.2, Day 154, 155 - The Verdict

2011-02-07T20:44:00.002-05:00

The verdict after following the WW program for two days, is that it's very easy to follow. Really, not much has changed, with the exception of some points values and the number of points one should eat. The program encourages members to eat a lot of healthy, wholesome, filling foods. I have found I eat within the point range for me, 29 points, without much effort.

I was happy to discover that my 0%fat, Greek Yogurt is only 1.5 pts. for a 1/2 cup serving, which is my usual serving. I add 1/2 banana and 1/4 cup of frozen blueberries, which do not count in points, with another point of organic, sugar free granola. I find that Greek Yogurt is a lifesaver for me. It's replaced ice cream and has become a real treat, but it also carries me through the day because of its high protein content. When I start my day with Greek Yogurt, I do not find I struggle with food cravings.

That being said, I don't know if I will continue the tracking and counting of points. The verdict is still out. Counting the points has shown me that I am eating well and in moderation, and if anything, I could add some calories to my daily menu, thus changing it up a bit.

February is not my favourite month. I am feeling quite blah with the snowy weather and dark, dreary days. After my sunny run on Saturday, more snow fell and it is currently snowing. I find myself feeling down about life and being hyper sensitive regarding everything. Oh Mr. Sun - please come out. If there is one thing I've learned over the last year and 155 days is that food does not fix feeling down in the dumps. In fact, although it may feel good whilst being consumed, using food in this way only makes me feel worse. The difficult part of that realization, is having to deal with the sad feelings and not eat them away.

Eating less, moving more,
Dawne

Yr. 2, Day 153, 154 - Weight Watchers and Me

2011-02-05T09:47:00.002-05:00

It is a gorgeous, sunny, winter day in Southern Ontario today and after a week of heavy snow, it is a welcome break. I have a 1:00pm running date with my partner, on our beloved canal path and I simply cannot wait! Last night my running partner and I discussed the mental/emotional benefits of running and she has realized that running has taken the place of eating in dealing with stress. People - that 's reason enough to get out there and try it! Interestingly, she does not find the same result with indoor, treadmill running. There is something about being in the elements, the fresh air and surrounded by nature that contributes to the stress relief we find in running.

My running partner and I are both Lifetime members of Weight Watchers, meaning that we once reached our goal weight and maintained it for the required amount of time. After getting to my goal, I gained all of my weight back as well as 20 pounds more. When I began my journey in September 2009, I was determined not to spend another dime on any weight loss program. I know how to lose the weight, I had to change why I eat. No WW meeting could change me. It had to take some honest, gut wrenching confessions of my weaknesses to realize the role food played in my life - that is, it was being used to meet needs that food simply cannot meet.

My other issue with following Weight Watchers is that one can easily fall on and off the regular tracking etc. My personality is such that when I fall off, I completely blow it. All or nothing baby! Either I follow the program with maximum dedication or I binge because I might get back on program one day. I know that those who have struggled with obesity can understand and relate to this dangerous mentality.

Once I reached 167 and stayed there for many a month, it was extremely difficult for me to pass that weight, despite incredible efforts. I increased my running, both in distance and intensity. I followed my eating program perfectly. It was a difficult time and I am grateful to all who helped me persevere. Finally, the plateau broke and I was able to reach 158. Then, I hosted wonderful guests from out of country, the holiday celebrations began, I hosted more out of country company and 11 pounds came back on.

Those 11 pounds did not appear because I fell off the wagon in entirety. I was fatigued of preparing different meals for myself than I was serving everyone. It was difficult to make in control choices when we ate out. I had less time for exercise because I was entertaining. These are not excuses, this is real life.

My running partner decided to return to Weight Watchers for the new program. She is below her WW goal weight, but would like to reach 155 by our shared birthday. (Isn't that sweet that we share the same b-day and therefore goal weight date?) Last night we went out for dinner (oh the irony!) to discuss the new program. She eats clean, but is totally excited about the new WW plan. We skipped the bread basket, passed on the dessert and had very healthy dinner choices. I enjoyed a seafood chow mien dish - chock full of vegetables and pineapple. She shared the program with me, which is essentially following current eating clean trends and I have decided to give it a chance until April 5th.

I am not spending money on returning to WW. I am not starting something that I can fall off. I have established a lifestyle of eating health foods in moderation, only to satisfy physical hunger and not to feed my hunger soul. So far, nothing has really changed in my eating except that I'm giving my food choices a points value and I am writing it down as I eat, instead of at the end of the day. It's only day one, so it will be interesting to see if I eat above or below my alloted 29 points eating as I normally do.

It has been a struggle to make this decision, because I am determined to reach goal by eating less and moving more. I have come to the conclusion that I am not giving up on that, I am simply choosing a little more structure to help me lose these last 20 pounds. Oh, let me correct myself, these last 19 pounds. I was down a pound for my Friday sneak peek weigh in, but I will wait until Tuesday for my official results on the last leg of the journey!

Doc Girl - thanks for that advice. I am going to research that. I've missed you! From what I can tell, you don't have a blog for me to follow - is that correct? Funny how you feel a connection to certain people simply from their comments. I feel like you're a kindred spirit!

3 more hours until my run!!!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 16 ~ Choosing Happiness!

2011-02-04T23:22:00.002-05:00

Thank you to all who took the time to comment on my post last night. It is valuable to know how other's deal with a similar situation. I especially like Shane G's point about being in control of how you react to an outcome that is less than desirable. Any step we take towards health is a step closer to happiness because we were not happy before. I can't control what happens on the scale, but I can control how I live, what I eat and how I choose to deal with each situation.

Today was disappointing in some ways and encouraging in others. I did weigh in at the Wharton Clinic, but found out I was the same weight as last week. This shouldn't really be a surprise since we had two birthdays this week and ate out more times than I can remember doing in the last several months. I know that I made better choices at the restaurants we went to, but good tasting food is usually cooked with a high fat content in such places, and I was not in control of that. I also indulged in cake for my daughter's birthday this week. It's not something I regret, but an answer to why I didn't lose any weight this week.

The fact that I didn't lose any weight is also a wake up call. I can't just sit back, be lazy in my calorie counting and exercise, and expect to see results. I didn't really think that I could, but we all have those moments where we say, "This one time won't hurt." One time probably won't! It's when it turns into more than once that we have to be careful. Falling back into temptation is a very easy thing to do. There is some truth I think to that little devil that sits on your shoulder and whispers lies in your ear....he's there, I hear him all the time. Now I sound like a lunatic, but I know you know that voice. That whisper....lies....food will NOT make me happy. I choose to be happy by making healthy choices.

As an aside, I feel awkward commenting on other blogs at the moment. There is a confusion with whether Dawne is commenting or me. I have wanted to though. I will sign them JENN if that helps.

JENN

Jenn's Year 1, Day 15 ~ Midnight Ramblings

2011-02-04T00:50:00.004-05:00

Once I start on the weight loss journey, I expect to see changes quickly. I usually need to see those changes in order to not lose motivation. The problem is, my mindset is not very realistic...it's idealistic! In order to lose this weight in a healthy way and stay that way for the rest of my life, I need to throw away my expectations. My actions, one by one, WILL produce results.

I am afraid to set goals lest I let my expectations run away with me. Usually I set weight loss goals, only to not reach them and then give up. I see the importance of goals, but set myself up for failure with my all or nothing attitude. "If I can't be the best, then I just won't try." This is an unhealthy mindset and I need to lose it.

The pain of not completing my weight loss goals in the past is fresh and real. I have let myself down many times. Each time I also let down those of my family who hope for a different outcome with me. They support me fully and I feel guilty for giving up and letting myself fall back into old patterns. Most of all, I wonder if I let God down....does He wonder, as I do with my children sometimes, if I will ever wake up and take charge of my life?

Why is it so hard to follow through with something that seems so easy? Eat less and move more...simple, right? NOT! I get drawn back into the temptation of food so easily, as if food could ever taste better than my health and happiness.

These are my midnight ramblings...

Eating was on target today and I was not hungry once. I even found a low calorie, low fat, easy dessert that tastes amazing! Tomorrow we will see what the scale says about my week. Hoping for a good number, but will not let a bad number DE-rail me. I am in this for life!

JENN

Yr. 2, Day 152 - Planning Ahead

2011-02-03T22:35:00.002-05:00

It was a great day of eating, with no temptations to overeat or eat foods that would be considered unhealthy. The morning began with non-flour, Mack's Flax bread and a poached egg, lunch was a bowl of chicken and barley vegetable soup with 8 Mary's Seed Crackers, Snack 1/2 cup Greek Yogurt with 1/4 cup blueberries, supper was 3 oz. turkey, 1/2 cup wild brown rice and salad greens. It felt healthy. To be quite honest, I am going to bed a bit hungry, with an empty, growling feeling in my stomach. Surely the scale will be down tomorrow!?!

Next week I am going on a four day tour with the high school choir that I direct - 50 high school students! There are two other chaperons accompanying me, so it should be quite fun. The difficult part will be eating healthily. We are eating at venues that offer choice and fresh, whole foods, but when everyone around you is eating junk, as I'm sure most of the teens will, it's hard to make those good choices. The other issue, is getting my water intake in as the bus can't be stopping every time I have to use the facilities - every 30 minutes when I'm drinking my water consistently.

I had planned to bring some fresh fresh fruits and vegetables and wondered how long I could keep Greek yogurt fresh in a cooler, but the tour planner is purchasing fresh produce, so I should be well taken care of.

I want to come back from tour having lost weight. That requires a decision on my part. A decision to eat less, because it will be difficult to get exercise time in, although the hotels will likely have fitness rooms. Perhaps I will get on the treadmill at some point on the tour. I also commit not to eat junk food even once, regardless of the 50 students chowing down on fries and pizza. I have to be strict...I had some freedom and treats over Christmas, this tour is NOT a continuation of that.

I know that once I decide something firmly, I can and will stick to that decision. There is no room for moderation until I reach my goal weight. This last leg of the journey requires hard core decisions followed by action!

Sneak peek weigh in tomorrow - just like the good ol' days!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 14 ~ Snow Day!

2011-02-03T00:42:00.003-05:00

Today was a snow day from school and work! We heard that our area received somewhere around 19 cm of snow, but I don't know if I believe it. There were a lot of drifts from all that wind and the roads were awful. My husband made a pile beside the driveway big enough for my son to tunnel in. He had a grand old time out there, playing once during the day and once at night.

The rest of the day was filled with making cookies, bed sheet forts, hide and seek, Dino-land and sleep....all in our pajamas. It is nice to have a break from routine once in a while.

Tomorrow is back to work! Back to reality! Thursdays are always my busiest day although it's packed full of things I love to do. I believe I mentioned teaching my Baby Music Class and I also direct a choir of about 20 girls at my daughter's school. It is also the night I go to bible study, so I have lots to look forward to!

Today was a great eating day...timing was a little off because I slept in, but I stayed within my calorie range, a little over on the protein and just under my targets on fat, carbs and fibre. I am finding it easy to make good choices with the targets on protein, fat etc. I really have to think about it, but isn't that what this is all about....thinking before we put something in our mouths? I am looking forward to weighing in this week. Friday morning, I will venture to the Wharton Medical Clinic and get an official number. On my home scale, I am down a pound and that was with a birthday celebration.

I plan to improve my water intake and my exercise this week.

JENN

Yr. 2, Day 151 - Revitalized!

2011-02-02T22:17:00.003-05:00

There is something about going back to weighing in twice and week and reporting my progress that has me completely revitalized. I feel like I have the initial excitement I felt in the early days of my journey.

I remember barely being able to sleep because I was so excited about some one following my blog or leaving a comment.

I remember checking my blog frequently for comments, like my daughter checks her phone for text messages.

I remember counting down the days until my weigh in, updating my weight progress side bar and ticker first thing in the morning.

I remember feeling so excited to find new recipes and plan my menus out for the week.

Somewhere along the journey, that excitement waned. As my weight loss slowed down, so did my enthusiasm for the process.

Another thing I have added to my weekly routine from the early stages of my journey are the Walk Away the Pounds DVD's. I find the 5 Mile Burn with resistance bands quite a work out. I lost my 80 pounds working out with these DVD's. I began seriously running in April, and only lost 11 pounds from then until before the holidays. I love outdoor running and I won't quit, but it seems to have become a maintenance exercise for me and not a weight loss exercise. Interesting. As our streets are lined with heavy snow from a major snow fall, it could be a while before I am outdoor running again.

I feel like the cloud of plateau is being lifted. I can't wait until my sneak peek weigh in on Friday.

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 14 ~ The Winds of Change

2011-02-02T00:13:00.002-05:00

The "Winds of Change" are blowing through Southern Ontario tonight! As I write, I can hear the trees being tossed and blown by the chilled and constant gusts of a winter storm headed our way. I am reminded of Scorpion's lyrics in "Wind of Change":

The future's in the air,
I can feel it everywhere,
Blowing with the wind of change.

I am also reminded of the Christian Rock Band, Kutless's Song, "Winds of Change":

Can you feel the chains of life,
Wrapped around you like a chain
Restricting all your dreams
Do you wonder if there is a way?

To set you free
Set you free

These words speak truth to me. The chains are my addiction to food and I long to be set free. I have put my dreams aside far too often, figuring that I am not worthy enough.

Do you feel the winds of change
Soon this weight will fall away
And take you to a place
Only found through these winds of change

I do feel the "Winds of Change." I am reminded of them tonight as I listen to the wind outside. My weight is going to change...my life is going to change. I hope to never let these winds blow through me, but rather to blow in me. A constant source of energy, motivation and renewal as I make this journey to the rest of my life. The "Winds of Change" are not random, they come from God. And just as they are stirring up change outside tonight, so they are also stirring in my life. A life transformed by God alone. I can picture it!

I leave you with these words and a link. Hope you enjoy! JENN

So tell me all your dreams
Tell me all your fears and what you're longing for the most
It's not another way that'll end up the same for it's under my control

Someday we'll said away
Mounted up on wings like eagles
We will run and will not fade.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2KtomnIEhng

Yr. 2, Day 150 - Reality

2011-02-01T21:35:00.002-05:00

Today was the day I chose the face the reality of my holiday weight gain. I knew I had gained weight - I had not been consistently eating in moderation. I allowed special occasions and company meals to get the best of me.

I did not gain as much as I imagined though. Thin people would probably be completely alarmed with a 11 pound weight gain, as I have experienced. To me, to only have gained 11 pounds is great news! In the past, I could seriously gain that kind of weight in a week. To only be up 11 pounds is proof that my metabolism has changed and that muscle truly does continue to calorie burn even when the body is not in motion. I'm a believer!

If I dwell on it, it is sad that I've only kept off 80 pounds and not 91 pounds, but then I remember the positives:

My clothes still fit, although some are more snug around the belly. I wear a size 10 petite pants and a size medium shirt consistently. I used to wear a size 20 pants and a 1x shirt.

I still love to run.

I continue to prefer healthy food choices over junk.

I am not obsessing over food. Eating healthily and in moderation is natural.

I have learned to renew my mind in Christ everyday. I throw off the old self and proclaim the new self.

I've maintained an 80 pound weight loss for 9 months! This is a miracle.

I am determined to lose 20 pounds by my birthday - 9 weeks away. That's more than 2 pounds a week...maybe unrealistic, but it's my time!

The plan? Eat even less, move more than I am currently, due to the cold weather. Weigh ins every Friday and Tuesday. Drink copious amounts of water.

The race is on...9 weeks until I am 43 years old and I weigh 149 pounds!!! Oh, what a party there will be. Want to come??? Oh, what a clothes shopping spree there will be. 9 weeks...

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 13 ~ Dark Cloud!

2011-01-31T23:55:00.002-05:00

Have you ever felt like you couldn't shake a bad mood? Ever felt like life seemed to fight against you? That was my day.

Today we woke up to a concerning text and it seemed to set the mood for the entire day. Our plan was to celebrate our daughter's birthday with family. The kids had the day off from school....the problem was that nothing was working out. No one was available to cover the storefront hours, deliveries had to be received, timing was off etc. It just felt like some presence was there, hanging over us, making sure that we couldn't do what we wanted to do today. Now, we are very blessed people. It is not often that we aren't able to do what we plan. Owning your own business has it's ups and downs. One day can be so flexible and the next, not. Today was a particularly difficult one to plan and you wouldn't believe how badly I wanted to turn to food.

When I assess most of the days that I have over-eaten, it is not because of stress or depression, but rather, happiness. I eat when I'm happy! Well, mostly....there are those occasions when I eat out of stress or boredom. Today I wanted food for comfort and I did not cave in. I thought about it, how good those chocolate chips would taste as they melted in my mouth, or how good it would feel to eat a plate of fish and chips, but then I thought of what I would feel like after and I knew that food wasn't the answer. I'll tell ya...I was pretty pissed about eating a stupid salad for lunch though!!! It just didn't satisfy!

Here's the thing...the satisfaction I get from eating tasty food does not even compare to the feeling I get from worshipping my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Today I turned to Him. When I couldn't shake that mood as I drove to the grocery store, I sang praises and when I wanted to shout and give up, I prayed. He met me in every hurt and weary place today. He provided me a way out of temptation and I am so thankful! This is not just my journey to health, but a journey into a closer relationship with my Creator! Praise God for this struggle!

I want to say thanks for all the encouraging words on my eating plan yesterday. It truly felt good to be in control and make healthy choices. Today I did indulge in dessert, a slice of Dairy Queen ice cream cake for my daughter's birthday. I made room for it in my meal plan and it tasted great!

JENN

Yr. 2, Day 149 - The Last Leg

2011-01-31T21:19:00.002-05:00

Day 149 of my second year. 149 is my goal weight. Ironic that it would be the day before I choose to weigh in after quite some time. No matter what the scale says tomorrow morning, and it will be up, my goal is to weigh 149 by my 43rd birthday, on April 5th.

I love when a plan comes together. Tomorrow is a Tuesday and April 5th is a Tuesday - not at all planned when I chose to weigh in February 1st. There is something wonderfully comforting about going back to Tuesday weigh ins, just like the beginning of my journey. It would be great if I could lose weight as quickly as I did in the beginning as well! I think I will go back to my sneak peek weigh ins, every Friday as well, just for ol' time sake!

I have been able to keep off most of my weight by eating clean and working out 3-4 days a week. Although I know I'm up a little bit, my clothes still fit and it has been exciting to discover that this can be done without hard core dieting. I do believe that this last leg of the journey to goal will require some hard core dieting. My weight is simply not budging by simply eating less and moving more. Clearly, I need to be eating even less, which may require some tracking until goal.

I have nine weeks to get there. I may be setting my expectations a little bit too high, but I need a goal, a tangible date to get me there!

I have been oddly sad the last couple of days because my daughter chose to end her relationship with first boyfriend. You would think I'd be ecstatic, but I became quite attached to this young man and I am sad that he is hurting. I don't know if my sadness comes from my own memories of being dumped by my first boyfriend, or if I feel a loss. My older and wise friend told me a few years ago, that you become attached to your children's love interests and it's like you're breaking up, without any choice in the matter. I think she was right. I did not expect to have these feelings. I miss the days when my biggest parenting issue was leaking diapers!

Greek yogurt is back in the city!!! Yipee!

Breakfast - 1/2 cup yogurt, 1 banana, frozen blueberries - 1/4 cup, 2 tbsp. organic, no sugar granola

Lunch - 1 apple, 3/4 cup lentil/vegetable soup, 3 mini whole wheat pitas (60 cal)

Supper - 1 Ezekiel English muffin, 2 poached eggs, spinach, tomato, 3/4 oz. feta cheese - yummy sandwich ... you should try it. My daughter complained that she had to eat the tacos every one was eating when she saw my egg, spinach creation.

Dessert - 1/2 cup Greek yogurt, 1 sm. banana, 1/4 cup frozen blueberries, 2 tbsp sugar free, organic granola.

I'm thrilled with that eating day! I'm going get there...149!

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 12 ~ Eating Out!

2011-01-30T23:50:00.002-05:00

Today was a difficult day in terms of eating out. After my typical breakfast of an egg white omelet with turkey bacon on a piece of Ezekiel bread, we ate lunch and dinner at restaurants. Both meals were invitations from family members. My sister-in-law is controller at a golf course near Toronto, ON. We were invited for the first of their "off season" Sunday brunches. It is a beautiful, up-scale clubhouse which has been newly renovated. There were lots of choices for lunch and I wasn't even tempted by the usual bacon and sausage. I did choose to eat small portions of salmon, shrimp, roasted yams and veggies, quinoa salad and fruit. I decided to fore go dessert....not that it wasn't tempting, it just wasn't worth it. I left feeling satisfied and I didn't have a trace of the usual "gut rut" after a buffet meal.

For dinner, we were invited to Milestone's to celebrate my sister's 26th birthday. She is younger than I am, but we joke that she is old and I am not. I chose the Mediterranean chicken which was a delicious seasoned chicken breast, stuffed with goat cheese, on a bed of greens, chick peas and grape tomatoes. Again, I did not have dessert and left feeling great!

I am not sure that I stayed within calories today. It is very hard to count food that you do not prepare. I do, however, feel like I made good, healthy choices and was able to face the day without guilt. It is hard not to be hard on myself tonight....I feel as if I must have made a bad choice somewhere along the line. I am happy to join in food celebration and be able to make wise decisions!

JENN

Yr.2, Day 148 - Contemplating....

2011-01-30T22:00:00.003-05:00

As I shared in my last post, I have been contemplating following the Weight Watchers program in order to lose the last bit of weight in order to reach my goal of 149. I continue to contemplate.

Canada has launched the new plan, which is very close to clean eating. It encourages whole foods and does not equate a calorie for a calorie. Items that were once low in calories and therefore in points, but high in processing, are no longer low in points. Calories are not the only consideration in the new points system.

I have read very positive reviews from fellow bloggers, but have spoken to a few friends who are not losing on the new program. I truly am contemplating different avenues to get to goal! I know Marcelle eats clean, but counts points. Is that the route for me? Or, do I simply cut out more food and eat less? I am not moving any more. I am doing the right amount of exercise to keep me fit and to enjoy physical activity. If I over do it, I will hate it!

I enjoyed a great eating day, was fully satisfied, but felt like I ate in moderation.

Breakfast - 2 pieces spelt toast, 1 poached egg

Lunch - 10 Mary's Organic Seed crackers, 1 oz light feta, 1 peach

Supper - 1/2 piece Naan bread, 1/2 cup lentil dhal, 2 small pieces of chicken curry

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 11 ~ Party in Moderation!

2011-01-29T23:56:00.002-05:00

Well, today was the big day. My daughter turns 14 on Tuesday and we had her friends over for a party today...in fact, right now I am listening to the young "Pop Stars" downstairs as they score points for singing on Wii. Soon, we will be shutting down the noise and trying to get some sleep, trying to remember that it is only once a year that her friends sleep over in a big group like this.

They day went well in terms of the party and my eating plan. A little scattered, but it is much easier to entertain 14 year olds than it is to entertain 6 year olds. They were happy with sledding, movies and board games, pizza and banana splits for a monkey themed birthday.

I ate within my calorie target and left some room to eat one small bowl of Smart Food and Doritos. I did not eat half the bag like I normally would and felt like I wasn't depriving myself either. As long as I am not eating junk everyday, on special occasions, I feel it is right to splurge in moderation. I had 2 pieces of vegetarian pizza for dinner and opted out of the banana splits. I was satisfied to have only 1/2 a banana. My behavior towards food was much improved today and much more controlled. My normal mentality would have led me to go crazy because of the party, but it's the reason for the party that's important, not the food itself.

Please enjoy a few pictures from the party. I even enjoyed a ride down the hill. It is still difficult for me to bend my knee and get down on the ground, but I had to join in the fun!

JENN

Yr.2, Day 146, 147 - Recap

2011-01-29T22:49:00.002-05:00

It feels like the last two days have been filled with weight related issues. First, I want to make it clear that I have not been perfectly on track since the Christmas season. I know that I have gained weight, as I have shared in this forum, but I have yet to do an official weigh in, waiting until February 1st - a date agreed upon with my running partner. My ticker will be moving up on Tuesday, which will be difficult, but this weekend I learned that even skinny people struggle with this.

Yesterday held another day of bridesmaid dresses shopping. Although we had found some dresses that would work on our last venture, one of the bridesmaids was not present, and when we returned, that particular dress did not work for her. In the end, we all chose different black dresses, even different lengths, but with a matching pashmina scarf.

Both of the other bridesmaids are quite tiny. One is my running partner, and she has struggled with weight issues in the past. She is doing great! The other, has always been tiny, and yet she was so disappointed that she had to wear a size 10, and not an 8 due to the fit of the dress. Imagine how great I felt that I only had to wear one size larger than this tiny woman! I am wearing a size 12, floor length, halter, Ralph Lauren dress and I feel like a super model in it! Pictures in April, hopefully at goal weight in the dress!

Both bridesmaids expressed extreme unhappiness with various parts of their bodies. Any of us who have dealt with obesity would kill for either of these girl's bodies, and yet, they only saw fault. The tiny woman, who has never struggled with weight, shared that she was up 8 pounds over the holidays and had to get that weight off.

Her words spoke "normalcy"to me. I have not blown it. I have not behaved in a manner that will only take me back to obesity. Even the skinny struggle through the holidays, gain 10 pounds and have to lose it. By believing I'm on the road back to weight gain will only hurt me. Instead, I choose to believe that like this thin woman, I over did it on the holidays and now is the time to deal with it. The entire conversation was completely reassuring to me. Many thin people have to manage their weight on a regular basis. Just because they are thin, does not mean that they don't have to work at it.

Today's weather was much milder, and my running partner and I got out for a run on the canal path. My tempo was definitely slower, as it's been a while, but it was so wonderful. Running allows me to clear my head and is a major stress release. I cannot live without it. It has become life to me, regardless of my tempo. I was so relieved that I hadn't lost it, and that I could still run 5K without much difficulty.

I am considering following the Weight Watchers program, without attending classes and paying, in order to reach my goal weight. I was determined to lose my 100 pounds of extra weight without counting a calorie or point, but it's time to get to goal! My eating less, moving more took me to a happy place in managing my weight, and has taught me lifestyle eating. I want to continue to live in this manner once I reach my goal and start to maintain, but I think something a little more hard core is needed to help me reach 149. It's coming...I am going to do this.

I am overwhelmed by the faithfulness of God in my life. I have seen Him work in my life this weekend and I am convinced that nothing can separate me from His love.

Eating less, moving more and maybe counting points in the near future,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 10 ~ Short Sighted!

2011-01-29T00:51:00.003-05:00

Short-sighted...I love it!!! Thank you to Shane G. and C. for your comments on yesterday's blog. You are totally right! This journey has to be taken one step at a time. Tomorrow is one birthday, one cake and one bowl of Doritos that I have to conquer. It doesn't seem all that much when you think of it as "One time." I can choose to say NO, taking a step in the right direction. I don't need junk food to have a good time and frankly...if I want to continue celebrating these special occasions with my family, I need to learn to say "NO, not this time."

Today I went to Weight Management Boulevard, a store dedicated to all things "Weight loss," and finally bought my Omron pedometer. I am happy to have it and although I didn't get it started today. I will be using it tomorrow while I take my daughter and her friends sledding and as we walk back from the park to our Music Studio. I can't wait to blog how many steps I take each day, another step towards my goal of health.

Today I was on target for calories in, a little under my protein, but hitting every other target in my meal plan. I am happy with my day and never felt hungry. I made healthy choices and I even planned for a little splurge this evening.

Well, I am off to bed! The big day is tomorrow when 11 of my daughter's friends will join us at the park for sledding and then movies and games at our Music Studio. Six girls will also be spending the night at our house. What was I thinking??!! LOL!

JENN

Jenn's Year 1, Day 9 ~ Not looking good...yet!

2011-01-28T00:21:00.002-05:00

Tonight I have been analysing my last 2 days of food and have discovered that I'm not there yet. I am interested in the fact that I can't hit my target for carbs and feel like I am having a lot. I have been about 40g shy both days. I have also been 30-40g shy of my protein target both days and ate over my fat target once. This is difficult! Especially if you are not writing everything down during the day. I have yet to find what works for me.

My plan is to make menus up before the week starts. That way I can measure everything out and know ahead of time what to do. It's all in the planning! Now, I just have to find the time. Hmmm...I seem to remember blogging about this point earlier this week....never enough time! I am not even watching TV anymore at night. A good habit to kick, but I'm still not getting everything done. Sometimes it's frustrating, but I have to have peace knowing that God is in control!

I am slightly worried about my daughter's birthday party this weekend. Birthdays usually mean a lot of junk food and I am tempted big time! Chips and cake are the worst. I need to remember that no food feels as good as being healthy. Along with this thought I will need to have a plan and not let the weekend get away from me.

Looking forward to shopping for my pedometer at Weight Management Boulevard tomorrow. I can't wait to see all the products they sell there. I know I need more protein and carbs in my diet...interested in seeing what they will have for me.

JENN

Yr.2, Day 145 - Greek Yogurt Shortage

2011-01-27T22:11:00.002-05:00

Living in Canada, we do not always have the copious healthy products that seem to be available in the USA. The USA truly seems to have it all, in terms of food choices - good and bad. Greek Yogurt only started being available quite recently in our area. Apparently, the word is out about the health benefits because it is out of stock more often than not. My husband has been to four grocery stores in the last two days, searching for our precious Greek yogurt.

The problem is, we are addicted to the stuff. I can't go back to artificially sweetened yogurt, regardless of the calorie count. The Greek Yogurt we can buy here, Liberty, is 0% fat, 29 grams of protein per serving and absolutely delicious. It is my treat and I can't help but whine that I can't find my treat. If you haven't tried it, you must!

Tomorrow holds a cross border shopping trip, continuing the hunt for bridesmaid dresses. I hope to find the Fage yogurt that the American bloggers rave about.

Today's eats were:

Breakfast - 2 slices spelt toast, 1 tbsp all natural pb

Lunch - 1 bowl lentil soup, grapes

Snack - 1 banana, 1 tbsp natural pb

Supper - greens/veggies salad, 1 tbsp balsamic dressing, 1 piece of whole wheat lasagna

Eating less, moving more,

Dawne

Jenn's Year 1, Day 8 ~ Never too late!

2011-01-27T01:34:00.002-05:00

It's never too late to do many things like learn an instrument, get in shape or blog when you are overtired and very late to bed. Today has been a full day. Tomorrow morning I teach a Baby Music Class and it is so much fun! I get paid and I get my "baby fix"...what could be better than that?

I was considering going to bed without blogging tonight, but then I thought about my commitment. I'm not sure how well I ate today in terms of my goals because I did not have enough time to write down my food choices. I will do this tomorrow. After some vacation planning with my husband, I did manage to get a 15 minute brisk walk in. Dropped him off at our business and said, "Why don't I walk home and leave the van with you? " Although winter has closed in on us this past month, the cool air felt good in my lungs and I felt better for getting some exercise, however small.

JENN